This is sort of a rough draft, but I probably will never finish it, so I’m going to post it. I now have another direction for this idea but it’s not happening soon so here goes…

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^{I almost didn’t read The Gift of Not Belonging*. First, it sounds like a self-help book, and I don’t do those anymore. I don’t need more bad advice. Secondly, saying not belonging is a gift can be privileged crap, so I was weary. But it’s not self-help, even though it may help people like many books do. And it’s privileged in a way that everything is privileged so…it’s not especially bad.}

*Affiliate link for book summary

^{Well, it does specifically exclude people from marginalized groups, including autistic people and other groups like introverts. So, some people (not the audience for this book usually) will find that offensive. I say he made the word “otrovert” up so he can define it however he wants. But saying only “otroverts” can relate is not true (hello!), and I pointed this out in my public reviews.}

^{Otroverts basically see people as individuals. What a concept…that is not shared by most people.}

^{Back to the point, people are talking about him creating a new word, but what he really did is describe why most people are the way they are. That’s why I liked the book. It’s not just about the small group of “otroverts.” It’s basically a book on most people since they are considered normal, and I guess some feel their behavior doesn’t need an explanation. Well, I disagree.} 

^{And most introverts are in the majority, aka “joiners.” They care about what others think. They make decisions based on the group so no, they aren’t “otroverts” I know introverts who will spend hours obsessing about what neighbors and coworkers think.  The question is: How do they make decisions? Group-based? Then that’s the norm.} 

^{For example, I know an introvert who is almost as introverted as me, but she is group-based.} 

• ^{She cares about popular opinion and easily changes her opinion based on what others think.} 
• ^{If a politician is a part of their political party, they are automatically good unless they commit a horrible crime…sometimes. (This is a huge clue.)}
•  ^{She wants her kids and herself to appear normal.} 
• ^{She constantly compares herself to others.} 
• ^{She puts a lot of emphasis on how she appears. Always checking the mirror before she goes out. She doesn’t need to look great but just enough to not look odd. (This doesn’t include people who want to look good for themselves, so no, it can’t be judged just by appearance. The motivation is the part that matters.)}
• ^{She doesn’t enjoy small talk, but if you are a neighbor or coworker, you better at least smile or you are a threat. (Common group-based thinking.)}

^{So anyone claiming introverts and “otroverts” are the same is confused or didn’t read the book, or I don’t know what. I know a lot of introverts who have shame about something because they care so much about others and want to be a part of the group!}

^{If they are a Democrat or Republican, it’s so easy to find out by asking political questions. Trump is kind of an outlier for some Republicans, obviously, so I wouldn’t ask about him. But if they are dedicated to a party and use “we”, that’s the easy way to find out. Do they use “we” when talking about work? (Only counts if they work for a big company, though.)} 

^{Another way is to ask about values. People who aren’t group-based tend to check in with their own values. Group-based people value what the group values. They need to fit in. Sure, there are different groups, so they are usually conflicted about that. Do they go with their religion or their family values or friends or just what’s popular? It may depend on who they are with or they may not share their values with a certain group of people.}

^{But the point is, ask them and they will usually pause and give something generic like family. While people who aren’t group-based know their values because they constantly use them for decisions. They don’t change based on who is asking.}

^{And some autistic people are group-based as well. Anyone who assumes otherwise is reading and believing old stuff from the 80s (ha). Like many things about autism have never been true, and them not caring about the group is clearly not true. But I can’t say how many. If I had to guess, maybe 50% care about the group.  And the research confirms it by confirming the top ten concerns of autistic people.}

 ^{If someone is truly struggling because they care about the group (not being forced to care – that’s everyone), then they are “joiners,” but they aren’t allowed in the group because they are autistic. Research also shows most autistic people want friends and want to date just like everyone else, but that’s different than being motivated by groups.  Most otroverts have a small group of friends. Same with autistic people and introverts.} 

^{I guess people have issues with people being more than one thing. Can an autistic person be an introvert? Why would someone seriously question that? I have no idea. I don’t follow their thinking. Otroverts can be introverts, extroverts, or both. Etc.}

Rough draft. My real interest is writing about the majority, not otroverts or introverts. So, my next post about this topic (not coming soon) will be about “most people.”