My life has always been reactive. But it is now more than ever. Suggest a plan, and I laugh. Ha! But I have to react to the environment. I use all my energy for that. How dare they suggest I do something else?

It’s good to know this because I know the printer cleaning kit I got for free to review will go unused. I thought it would be simpler to use. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have picked it to review. (But I have since discovered that it’s not a unique product, so I know it works. Just a different seller. So I gave it a good review.)

But when a person is autistic, this is common. Some people say “autistic with sensory issues,” but sensory issues is in the definition. So whatever. Anyway, since people say autism is basically nothing, I have to break things up. So here goes:

Combine sensory issues, monotropism, AKA autism for those who refuse to define it correctly, and my burnout, poor interoception, insomnia, chronic stress (from being autistic for decades – lol), and maybe ADHD like attention regulation, and yes, I react. I don’t have energy for anything else.

I still plan because I have to do. But no fun. I plan for any bills I pay manually, having to call the jury duty line (sigh) and doctor’s appointments. Project planning doesn’t happen for me. Planning fun stuff, rare. I was going to put a few park trips in my planner, and I still might go once a month this summer, but I have to survive the demands of May first.

I’ve never had an overwhelming May…if that’s not obvious. It’s always my favorite month, but the world and its demands come first. I must react. I would love to just do what I want. But that’s a foreign concept to me. I didn’t even mention WORK as a why, but that underlies the insomnia, chronic stress, and burnout, etc., so…

Life is just a bunch of forced responses. But if anyone needs anything, ha. I didn’t mention how having outside stuff (other than just reacting, existing) to do should be considered a need for autistic folks. And likely ADHD (though possibly a little different in its effect). It can fall under monotropic regulation or regulatory interest, but I have to go. I’m ending my class early this week.

Here’s what I did for an attempt at stress regulation this week:

What I Did This Week

Music of the Week

Books of the Week

I thought I was in a “finishing book slump.” I’m barely in a reading slump these days because I’m always reading something. But finishing a book gets hard sometimes. I finished:

• The Imposter by Adriane Leigh (Fiction) My rating: ★★★★ (four stars) Book# 2 of The Influencer series. One more to go. Enjoyable quick read.
• Beautiful Ugly by Alice Feeney (Fiction). My rating: ★★★★ (four stars) I think this is my 2nd or 3rd book by Alice Feeney. I almost didn’t finish this, not because it was bad, but I just wanted something different. I’m glad I stuck with it. I ended up really enjoying one of the characters—Grady. From my notes: Wish I could live on an island like that, but without the drama.
• All the Sinners Bleed by S.A. Cosby (Fiction) My rating: ★★★★ (really 3.75 stars) My first S.A. Cosby book. So late. But he’s definitely a good storyteller. However, I enjoyed the characters more and the crime stuff not so much. So it lessened my overall enjoyment of this book, but I still looked forward to reading his other books. I would love to read a contemporary fiction book from him, but I don’t think that is going to happen.

Quote of the Week

We all choose to be skeptics when the truth is inconvenient.

All the Sinners Bleed by S.A. Cosby