Don’t engage. Don’t talk about it. Don’t read about it. It’s all trash. No, I’m not talking about this blog but YMMV.
I don’t understand how people can talk about an autistic person while ignoring their autism. I get that they have no idea what it’s like to be autistic or what autism really is. But just knowing SOMTHING about autism should prevent some comments or thoughts.
Today I saw one person ask about a semi-well known autistic person: Why did she say it like that? Um………………………..
It’s probably wrong to say autistic people are laughing at the question. (Even though we get laughed at on the daily basis) How can someone seriously ask that? All autistic people are different, but 60%+ of autistic people either say things bluntly or say things too formally or too informal. In other words, we are always saying it wrong by neurotypical standards.
(Keeping this to verbal communication only to keep it simple.)
There’s no serious way to critique that answer. It’s not offensive to me. I’m just trying to figure out why a person would ask that. What is the point of knowing a person is autistic and then asking why they said or asked something? What is autism to this person?????? I don’t get it.
For the love of dogs, PLEASE stop judging autistic people by non-autistic standards. It doesn’t make sense!! I’m not saying to never mention it. I wouldn’t judge if an interviewer interviewed an autistic individual and then commented to a manager on their communications skills as long as it wasn’t:
- snarky
- said in disbelief
- the reason you didn’t hire the person
- the main thing or only thing you mentioned to someone
(Thinking those things count too, but I can’t read people’s mind so it must be said.)
WHAT DO PEOPLE THINK AUTISM IS? Most likely the answer will be wrong. But I would love to just randomly ask. Should I do that on a forum? There’s no way I would do this on social media. I have to think of a way to word it. And if people are neurodivergent (autistic, ADHD, has epilepsy, dyslexia, PTSD, had a TBI or the parent of an ND person, they can answer, but they need to disclose it.)
Second comment: That person is so spoiled. She cried every time she didn’t get her way.
Easy comment from a neurotypical person. IF they judge by neurotypical standards even though they KNOW this is an autistic person. WTF!
I would only expect an autistic person to get this or a parent or caregiver of an autistic person. Autism is a neurological condition that affects the brain…including the part that deals with frustration. Once again, not all autistic people are the same, but I haven’t met one who said I never get frustrated or have “meltdowns” but I’m sure there’s a small percentage…
Yes, being what a neurotypical person would call as “easily frustrated” is common in people with autism for a reason. See the brain. (By the way, I’m not great at explaining this because I’ve never tried). Autistic people are hyper or hypo sensitive when it comes to each thing. Most people aren’t all hypersenetive etc.
To cut this short, the autistic person who is hypersentive when things don’t make sense, might jump to “why is this happening” but 2 days later get that it might happen to others too or it’s normal. But IN THE MOMENT that may be unlikely to happen. It’s hyper focusing on what’s going on and the brain is flooding etc. The neurotypical person see’s someone OVERREACTING…rolls eyes 400x times.
But if they could get out of their brain and empathize, they could probably easily read a better description of what’s going on and get it. By the way, it’s not just the brain. It’s the heart rate and breathing, too.
I have to think like a neurotypical daily, they rarely HAVE TO think like an autistic person, but when they are communicating about an autistic person, can they think of it from “the other” perspective? My experience says no, or only if reminded for people who are empathetic. But these are just the situations I’ve seen.
I’m bad with details and can’t describe a feeling that well. LOL. I’m autistic, yo! Oh, right no one knows what that means. HA. Seriously, I have alexithymia like many autistic people so don’t ask me what I’m feeling ever.I digress….
Back to the topic: Anyone who has experienced a trauma especially an ongoing trauma, might know what it “feels like” to be autistic. But it’s DAILY. It never stops!!! EVER. Well, actually, I feel less autistic after a long break but that rarely happens for me. I feel non-autistic maybe 24 hours a year. That just a guess.
I don’t know if people remember how they feel when they are traumatized. (Probably not ideal….) But if a person wants to know they can easily read about PTSD/CPTSD to find out more. I’ve been dx’d with PTSD, but to me it’s a natural part of autism so I won’t be of much help. I can just confirm that it’s a similar feeling. But most people with PTSD don’t feel like that 24/7. It’s just when the person is triggered or dealing with the event.
So, I guess you can gossip about the person crying if you want to be that way. And the person didn’t act spoiled* in the ND or NT world. They got frustrated daily, but they did everything on their own. People gave them resources, but she never asked. Ever. Never even suggested it.
*Spoiled to me would be…Example: A teen or young adult who has daddy buy her everything and the one time he won’t buy, she doesn’t understand why.
So, if a person can mentally grasp that her father doesn’t have to buy her a car, then that person can be spoiled. But I think it’s somewhat common in upper class spaces to be this way, so I tend not to call it out or think about it. But not everyone thinks this way….I think of spoiled in a less negative way. No one spoils me, but I wish I could spoil myself and go to Greece. Or take a month off from work…etc. So, if a person is spoiled (not to the extreme) than they are lucky.
But I don’t think in black and white. The binary. Again!
Yes, I’m bad at describing autism, but I know more than “why did she say that” Beth. No offense.
tl:dr
Have any idea what it feels like to be traumatized all the time? Congrats you know more about autism than you think. And yes, I know so many might be offended by most or all of this. But IDC.
A client just paid me! I’m going to order two baby houseplants. (Have to buy two since they are so small. Less than $25 for two – including shipping.) I haven’t bought a new plant in months! woohoo. Ugh. I had 2 weeks off from her work. I have to start again???? I’m not starting until Friday. But I’m getting a plant! Gotta go.