People suck so much. How can I get out of here? Don’t have pets, kids, or anyone who depends on you. That’s a barrier to freedom. Freedom to leave this Earth.
I hope Anne Heche wanted to leave. I feel bad for her true friends and family.
I’m starting a new business. I don’t know when. It depends on what happens to my car (long story), my job…etc.
This biz is a no-brainer. Yes, being on the spectrum will have me earning less, but for now, I think I will work part-time. It would take at least 2-3 years to go full-time with this. The problem with running a biz full-time is the taxes. I just want enough to pay my bills. Taxes are included, so I have to make 20% more! UGH.
I’m just glad to let my old biz go. But I’m going to put out one offer and see if I can make $300 or $500. I will email my email list and see if anyone wants it. I may offer one for a trade of energy healing. I don’t know much about energy healing. But, I believe it CAN work. I had reiki, and either she was a psychic or reiki is real. Every astrology reading tells me how psychic I am, but I don’t have time or energy to use that intuition these days.
I want a testimonial or energy healing. How’s that? That is what I will offer next Thursday. It’s a lot of work. I usually spread this service out over a month, so I don’t know how long it takes. Plus, I’m time blind.
Screw everyone. Everything is about money. But I’d rather live on less and go to the park twice a week than skydive. I don’t know what people with money do!
I want to do the stupid work survey. I think I’m going to throw my anger at them right now. I’m going to be fair. I’ll probably give them a D. D on diversity, hiring, management, and working conditions. They deserve an F, but I’m trying to be nice and honest.
I’m not supposed to be writing this blog right now, but I am so fed up with humans and their fucking behavior that I had to say something. I can’t hold it in. I don’t want it only in my private journal. I want it here.
Oh, I took a freelance gig. I should be doing that. If it doesn’t end up paying $40 a month in 3 months, I’m not doing it anymore. No contracts. I can quit at any time. The pay can be low, but most people enjoy doing it. I like doing it for fun, but it takes a long time when you have memory issues. It’s a lot of reading and writing. I read the same shit over and over at work. I don’t write that much. Of course, I have the occasional email.
My manager said one person was glad to get fired. She didn’t get why. LOL. I’m like, because she’s tired of being treated like crap???? HELLO? She might not quit for unemployment reasons, or she has a disability, or she was just scared to leave. She has kids (I don’t know about a partner), and maybe she didn’t want to say, “I quit my job.” She might have felt a responsibility to show up. People do this in many parts of life.
But anybody who can quit. PLEASE QUIT. I can’t do much now. My brain is so tired. I am burned out. I do my business from the bed. (I will stop doing that one day in the future). Anyway, they took everything. And left me with nothing. I’m not even bad enough to live on. The only people who don’t complain about pay are people with partners. Everyone else either works overtime when offered or has a part-time job. Some people are in school.
I actually feel better now. I wonder how many mistakes are in this. I will check probably on Sunday if I remember. I don’t know. If my car is working (grrrr!), I will be going back to my hometown on Sunday. I will probably mow the grass tomorrow. It has been raining so much. I love the rain, but the grass is out of control for the first time all summer.
Yesterday was so great even though I had to work. It wasn’t humid. I didn’t have to work in a 110+ degree room. I was thinking, “There is a god.” But then today happened. Fuck that shit. God doesn’t care about me. I don’t use the word “god.” I use universe, but whatever.
And anyone who asks me to do anything – fuck off. I’m not giving a fuck until October. After that, maybe. I will help those who reciprocate.
No more social media for me. But it’s not social media. There are people I like there. But, unfortunately, it’s people in my fucking neighborhood. Fucking assholes. I wish it were just the corporations like it is for many. For me, it’s every fucking person who wants to conform. In America, conforming makes life easier. I wouldn’t be hard on them IF they wouldn’t be so hard on me. I want life to easy too. But I don’t have the option to be “normal”. I wasn’t born that way. I don’t think I should be punished for this. What a concept.
Stop. I was feeling okay.
I’m going to look into taking a hardship withdrawal for a downpayment on a house. If I have to pay ANY taxes on it, then it’s a hard no. I don’t think buying a home is a hardship*, but that’s what it’s called. Right now, I don’t feel safe in my neighborhood. They steal my packages. My car isn’t working. I’m not 100% sure they had something to do with it. I will find out within 24 hours. Probably.
So, it’s a hardship for me because I would rather quit my job and only get $15K than get a downpayment on a house. But, if $15K could last a year, I would not say “only.” A year is enough time to see if I can recover. If I have dementia, shouldn’t I quickly get SSDI for that? Well, some people do work through early-stage dementia.
Want to hear a silly issue? I want to binge-watch Disney channel stuff, but they don’t have a free trial. It’s 8.00 a month. I don’t know if I have that because of the car issue. Shit. I can’t do anything. I will only focus on business. I had a lot of plans, including paying extra on bills and putting more into savings, but Nah. Might not happen now.
So many mistakes here. I should do the work survey, but I’d rather not do it REALLY mad, or I will go too far, but if a company destroys someone’s life with an illness that they will never recover from, I think you deserve every evil thing. When I worked the required overtime, I had no idea I would still be dealing with that NOW. I would have tried anything to get out of it. Look at me now! I am not motivated by money. I want to go to parks and libraries. Most parks are free.
People talk about six figures and think, “Uh, we’re not on the same planet.” I don’t want that. I do need to pay my bills. I’m getting better about not stressing about work. It’s easy because I don’t care what they do. Fire me. Whatever. So the work stress is down. But my body is still in burnout mode.
I’m going to go. I hope my car has been towed. I can’t be bothered to walk into the living room and look out the window. That’s a long walk. She told me to leave my car unlocked and put the key in the car. I’m like BITCH, PLEASE. I live in the murder city. If they murder, I’m sure they will rob you. I have been robbed. So…PLEASE. I can’t deal with these people. They have no idea how some people live. So clueless. It must be so lovely to be so blissful.
Anyway, will I ever stop talking? I have a free tarot reading in about 90 minutes. I think I’m going to ask about the new business. I read tarot on my own. But I haven’t done a reading on this new plan. If overhead is less than $100 a month, I’m going for it. So far, costs are at a one-time fee of $60. I could save that. I found out I don’t owe that much taxes this year, so that $60 that was going to the IRS may go to the business. I don’t have to get a new business license. I probably should because it’s a new business name, but I’m going to keep the same name for tax purposes.
My taxes in April of 2024 are going to be a mess. I will owe at least $2,000 to the IRS. I’m going to start saving that ASAP. I already have about $20 saved. LOL. Please don’t laugh at me.
I gotta go. I’m suddenly very hungry.
This Week I…
Music of the week: The Chicks, Beyonce, Miranda Lambert, Carly Rae Jepsen, Maggie Rogers, Norah Jones, Toby Lightman, Jennifer Nettles
Music has saved my life this week. I rediscovered Norah Jones. Wow. Miss her voice.
TV of the Week: Big Brother, Housewives, Candy
I rarely talk about the Housewives shows anymore, but one thing I notice is people are getting COVID 2 and 3 times. Does that make getting long COVID worse? I hope not! These people will be screwed. At least they have health care, but some of long COVID’s symptoms (fatigue, etc.) can’t be cured easily.
My aunt got COVID once and is still having a hard time. She already had health problems, and now her breathing issues have her in the hospital about once a month. She has Medicaid and Medicare, so she’s covered but constantly sick. This is going to be a big problem the more people move on. Doctors and researchers have to step up. My aunt was already getting disability, and I think SSI & SSDI will have to add COVID to the list. SSI will probably be hard to get unless it’s a respiratory issue. If you’re in the hospital five days a month, it will be hard to keep a job.
Podcasts of the Week: The Vanished, Truth & Justice, Generation Why, The Goal Digger Podcast, The Anxious Achiever, Hide & Seek
I need to find new podcasts. I like podcasts on books, but I don’t want always to take notes when someone mentions a good book. If I’m trying to relax, I don’t want to write down or pick up my phone and make a note of a book someone mentions. But I need new subjects. I don’t like most business podcasts (they are too mainstream – too focused on making six figures).
I like true crime because I can listen and relax. I know many people can’t relax to true crime, but I started reading true crime around 14 years old. So I’m used to it. I go to sleep while listening to true crime because it’s a story I can follow without thinking about my problems. I’m focusing on the victim, and I have cut off shows that talk about cutting off body parts. I know there’s a word for that, but due to long-term stress, I can’t think of that. lol.
Books of the Week: 2 Books finished since I last posted:
I Guess I haven’t Learned That Yet by Shauna Niequist is good. Christians keep recommending her, but I’m not Christian. Shauna is open-minded, so her religion is not an issue for me. Will I ever read her recipe books? NO. I hate cooking, and I can’t understand a recipe. Anyway, the book is kind of memoir and how she got through hard times, but she doesn’t get specific about her struggles. Some of it was public, so I will google it later. She’s from a public church family. Four stars.
10% Happier by Dan Harris is the funniest book I read this year. I don’t read funny books on purpose. I thought I was reading a memoir. Uh, not really. It’s about meditation, and it’s hilarious. It mocks self-help in the right way. It doesn’t mock people for reading it. It mocks people for telling people that everything that happened to you (including the earthquake in Haiti, cancer, etc.) is all your fault. But the part that I loved was reading more about meditation. Everyone talks about it, but when he first wrote the book, only Buddhists and wanna-be Buddhists (hello – not anymore) were doing it in America. So good. 4.5 stars.
Goal for Next Week: Will I have a car? Will I be alive? I don’t have time for goals right now.
Weekend Plans: Will I have a car? That has a significant effect on my plans. I have errands I was planning to run. I will mow the lawn either way. I’m going to cancel almost everything related to business.
Have a good week despite the Full Moon. It’s funny I just realized that an astrologer warned Pisces Risings not to go anywhere on the 12th due to car problems. Well, you were right. Ugh. Sure, astrology isn’t real.
Longest ramble ever.
Bye.