People are liars. And they don’t even know it. Well, they know. They say they do shit on their own and do not. I’m not even talking about stuff from the government. “No one is doing anything on their own because there are free libraries and streets.” Yes, people say this shit. I ignore them.
I’m talking about people who say they built their own business when they had a partner bringing in enough money to live on. Come on. Really? Yes, that’s a nice story, but you had a lot of help. Hopefully, not only were your bills being paid, but you also had social support. And maybe help with chores.
That’s a lot of help that I don’t have. If you have friends, you have support. You can talk things through. They might help you come up with a solution. It might always be free. That’s not the point.
How many people don’t have support? 10%. I’m counting the people in nursing homes. Some have friends, but some have dementia. Anyone with dementia goes into the no support group. I feel bad leaving the people in nursing homes out. And then there are people in prison and mental institutions. Sigh. So just say 10%.
I will bet that NONE of my coworkers fall into this category of no support. I’m guessing this by what they say in meetings. I’m sure they would like more help with childcare or something, but they have the basics of SOCIAL resources covered.
My point is that if you have social support, you aren’t going to understand where I”m coming from. My life is very hard. I have to do EVERYTHING myself, and most can’t say that. How can I relate to them? How can they relate to me? They have no idea what’s it like. Most people have either financial or social resources. Some have both,
I have neither. Well, all my money goes out as soon as it comes in due to the IRS taking two weeks of unpaid leave. I was better off before that because I had savings.
The “emergency” right now is that my food is locked in my trunk, and I can’t find my key. I never roll the windows down, but my dog was in the car. Long story about trying to pick up an order and then canceling it because I had a 1 o’clock meeting.
Anywhere, so my car will probably be stolen tonight, and all the food will spoil. It’s not food I can eat for the most part. Ugh, I just thought of something I can eat in the trunk. Oh well. Won’t be eating that.
I HAVE NO HELP. LOOK AT ME NOW.
Here is the part of the blog I dictated earlier today (not all of it – too long).
I’m sick of how people only want to acknowledge physical disabilities and ignore other ones like mental disabilities. Dementia is not a mental illness. But to me, memory issues are cognitive issues and affect your brain. And right now, I’m having cognitive problems. So that is very much a disability. It’s tough to work at my day job. I think I would be fine if I could only work three days a week. Four days would be decent, but five days is just like very, very hard. I feel like it’s a struggle.
I work in my business seven days a week. But I tend to take more of a break on Sundays. (Not this weekend!). So I’m going to try working 40 minutes and then take a 20-minute break. I don’t know how that’s going to work. Because last night, I was really into what I was doing. And I did not want to take a break. So I worked like four hours straight after I got off my day job. And didn’t sleep well the night before. So now have allergies.
Just because you work, it doesn’t mean you have money. Or money comes in and goes right out. So I’m glad I have enough money to pay my rent right now. And enough to pay the utilities.
I’m in the food bank line now. I don’t know what kind of information they want. I have my ID. No proof of how much I make or anything like that. But as long as I’m in my car with my dog, I don’t mind.
I’m having my house cleaned on Monday morning, which people would think it’s a privilege. But if you have ADHD, autism, or any kind of neurodiverse problem. That’s not a privilege. It’s like, Please help me. In some countries, cleaning help comes automatically with an ADHD DX (if you live alone, I assume).
I will get the kitchen, bathroom, living room and hallway cleaned once every two months. My house is 750 sq ft. That will probably take 40 minutes? I will be working in my office with my dog in his crate.
I don’t know if I mentioned the new therapist or not in this blog. Anyway, she’s helping me with the printer stuff from work so I won’t have to switch from so many screens, making it hard to work. She’s going to mail it back to me. We live about 45 minutes away. So it shouldn’t take too long. So busy today. I have not had time to work on it.
Back to the food bank. So hopefully, this will lower my food bill. I found a new client, but she’s only paying me $75 monthly for about $300 worth of work. I know her. She’s an acquaintance. We’re not friends or anything. But hey, whatever. I am going to do good work for her. I want her to have results; otherwise, I wouldn’t do it.
I’ve paid about $150 to this food bank charity, so I’m just getting my money back. JUST KIDDING. I’m sick of everything being means tested. Someone working 60 hours a week, and doesn’t have money, should suffer?? Excuse me? And I have multiple disabilities. So, I don’t feel bad at all.
I will probably come back once every two months because they give too many vegetables!! I can’t eat veggies. I will try to see if there’s some stuff I can get around. They also gave me a bunch of raspberries. I’m not supposed to eat those, but I ate two because they looked sooo good.
Having a bunch of food in my fridge I can’t eat is depressing. It reminds me of my gastro disease and my old life. So I will offer some of it to the person cleaning my house on Monday if we get to talk. Then I will offer it to local people on an app. I just want it done quickly. Who needs it? Text me when you are near, and I will leave it on the porch—the end.
If people make this difficult, I will throw the food away. I don’t have enough room for all this celery.
I’m pissed about my car and having spoiled food in there. So, I’m ending this here. This is way too long anyway!
This Week I…
Music of the week: Kelly Clarkson, John Mayer, Demi Lovato, Taylor Swift, Andra Day, Jewel, Grace Potter, Kacey Musgrave
TV of the Week: Bridgerton, Housewives
Podcasts of the Week: The Vanished, Truth & Justice, Up & Vanished, The Piketon Massacre, Unlocking Us with Brene Brown, Murder in House Two (recommend), Dateline
Books of the Week: I finished 2 books since my last post. One is fiction – The Love of My Life by Rosie Walsh. It sounds way more romance than it is. It is a mystery. A who did it. Good story. Surprising ending, but the writer dragged the ending out. ★★★★
The other book I finished is Autism in Heels by Jennifer O’Toole. I wished I had this book when I was younger. I could relate to most of it. I don’t wear heels. I’m not an extrovert or a mom. I do wish she had given more advice. She has more books, so I’m sure she did that there. I may write about this book more. I’m really trying to finish this long ass post. ★★★★
Goal for Next Week: I don’t know if I’m going to have a car tomorrow. So how can I plan anything?
Weekend Plans: Today is exhausting. I’m going to eat something and get back to work. Tomorrow I will clean up for the cleaning service. LOL. Of course. I hope my car doesn’t get stolen. Sad about the food spoiling, but what can I do?
Have a great weekend. Thanks for reading!