Another hot one. But it will be hotter tomorrow. I hope the AC works. I need it to work for my dog and the lawn mower. The AC is probably going to be at the end of the bed for my dog to get cool because the cord is so short. And then I will have to bring the mower in my bedroom. I will turn the AC on around 1 PM and turn it off in the morning around 8AM when I have to work in the office. I will only use it when it is above 80 degrees.
Fuck about the AC working. I NEED to get it over here. It’s 60 pounds!! I can’t carry that. blah. No help. See? I don’t even know about that. At least with the mower, I can probably get it into the box and pay UPS to pick it up.
My ADHD, non-focusing is in full effect.
I do have a new therapist that knows what autism is, but that doesn’t mean she will think I have it. I’m too educated and well-behaved. Smirk. See her a week from this Friday, I think. I hope it goes well.
I’m supposed to be calling neuropsychologists tomorrow, but really? How fun is that? I can’t wait until they do away with phones. I know some people will need phones due to a disability (learning or otherwise). But can we get more stuff done online? I scheduled my NEW therapist online. No phone!!
It’s possible people. It’s 2022. Wake the fuck up.
Been thinking a lot about clarity. Everyone I go there it is. I know what I REALLY want – my dog to live forever, but since I can’t have that. I want a house in the country. Or somewhere with one acre of land. I prefer 2 acres. Of course, I’d rather buy because what if I fall in love with the house and then 5 years later the owner says, I want my house back?
I’m glad I’m not buying a house right now. Geez.
The problem with the house dream is that I must have money. I’m not playing the lottery. No one is leaving me any money. So…that kind of knocks out going on disability. Maybe. Can a person with a disability own a house if they can only have a car worth $2,000?? Everyone I know who owns a house and gets disability is married or partnered. So, I’m not sure how that goes.
Back to clarity.
I want a house with no neighbors. I want to travel a month out of the year. (Not all at once every year). I want to work when I want to which is probably about 35 hours a week. It used to be more, but my brain isn’t working, so how can I work? I would work from 10AM to 1:30PM every day. So that’s a little under 35. Yes, every day. I like routine.
My brain gets tired around 1:30 during the day. It doesn’t matter what time I eat or don’t eat. It doesn’t matter whether I walk, do yoga, slept the night before, etc. On days when I have errands, I would work from 5:30PM to 9PM. That’s probably a better schedule for me anyhow. Yeah, I don’t know why I would work during the day. When I work all day, I tend to get tired by 8:30 PM. I can’t think. I want to scream. My brain is gone. It’s 8:53 PM right now and I’ve been working most of the day. Not all day.
Oh, clarity. I have a little clarity in my schedule. A little. I think I would mix up days and nights. Some days the afternoon is better, some days evenings are better. I might find working at 1AM better. My dog wakes me up at 1AM almost every night. NOT GOOD FOR MY BRAIN. I need deep sleep.
But I don’t have the freedom for that now.
I want a house with no neighbors, flexibility to work when I want, the ability to travel for 30 days a year, and a dog.
Clear enough?
Oh, I don’t have a tumor. Yeah, it sucks, but what can I do? With a tumor, I would go on disability, cash out my 401K (???) and take a huge tax hit. I would put a downpayment on a house or travel. If I travel, I’m probably not going to go on SSI disability, but people probably do that, right? I don’t care. Good for them. Fuck the system. Let people get what is theirs.
If I had a tumor, I would have a medical plan. It would probably suck, but it’s a CLEAR plan. Unlike, now. I have to make a million phone calls, and get a 60 pound AC, and send a lawn mower back. ALL BY MY FUCKING SELF.
I don’t like that plan.
Sorry for all these typos.
I’m going to either read or do brain exercises. I haven’t done brain exercises on the Peak App in a week. I always seem to do them on Mondays. I’m reading 23,456 books right now. My favorites are:
