I don’t know where to begin. 

My birthday sucked. It was my worst birthday ever. The end.

We had two very hot days. It was probably 100 degrees in the house. I was okay for the most part. I put towels with cold water on my dog every 2 hours. Next time, I might set a timer for every 45 minutes unless he is sleeping. 

The heat messes up my sleep. I’m having severe memory problems, so I NEED sleep. Sleep helps with cognitive functioning. No sleep, no memory or thinking. Not good.

I’m getting the CT scan on Friday. I was thinking about canceling because I thought it was $250, and I’m pretty sure that I have autistic burnout and probably not a tumor. BUT the hospital says insurance is paying for the CT scan. LOL! Um, really? You get a free CT scan. Everybody gets a free CT scan!!! 

I hope it’s true. I don’t mind spending the time getting a CT scan. It’s better to be safe. But, if it’s not free, I will have money issues. I won’t be able to get an air conditioner. I don’t know if I will be able to get a lawnmower (more on this later).  

The doctor says it is due to depression, anxiety, and work stress. The word burnout is not medically recognized as a diagnosis. They call it work stress. It’s officially called problems with work (stress). Okay, I’ll call it burnout. It will probably be an official DX within three years.  

The doctor also diagnosed me with “Other behavioral /emotional disorder with onset usually occurring in childhood and adolescence.” So, um, maybe it’s called AUTISM? But, seriously, how would he know when it happened? I’ve only talked to him twice. Interesting. Oh, maybe he is thinking of ADHD? Even though I had no significant issues until 2020? The main ADHD issue in school was making “careless mistakes” in math. I loved math, but I made mistakes all the time in elementary school.

I also have PTSD (not a dx from this doctor). My ex-therapist said she didn’t want to diagnose me because it might cause me problems in the future. ???? ROFL. I have problems now, dude. And problems with who? Employers? They don’t look up your medical records before hiring. That’s illegal. I don’t get that. Probably another lie. I don’t need that DX. Just like I don’t need an autism DX. Not everyone NEEDS a depression DX. Yes, I have PTSD. Many people with autism do. Very common.

He also diagnosed me with amnesia. Make it stop!! Besides forgetting a period of time, I don’t even know what amnesia officially means. Let me look that up. 

A disorder characterized by systematic and extensive loss of memory. Partial or complete loss of memory caused by organic or psychological factors. The loss may be temporary or permanent and may involve old or recent memories. Compare forgetting and memory decay. Pathologic partial or complete loss of the ability to recall past experiences (amnesia, retrograde) or form new memories (amnesia, anterograde). This condition may be of organic or psychologic origin. Organic forms of amnesia are usually associated with dysfunction of the diencephalon or hippocampus. 

Okay, I have amnesia. I just call it memory issues. But whatever. 

So he may be right. I may have worked myself SO MUCH that it has destroyed my brain. I hope everyone is pleased with this. A brain tumor means I die too quickly. I need at least three years to live!! Either way, capitalism is killing me. 

The doctor also referred me to a neuropsychologist for memory tests, but that doctor is not in network. I probably will pursue this. ONLY if they think they can make my memory better with memory exercises. I don’t need to know I have memory problems. I am reminded every day. I sometimes forget (don’t laugh). 

The lawnmower. Blah. The battery is either dead due to hot heat in the house or because I overcharge it. I’m not going to remember to unplug the lawnmower. I don’t remember to uncharge my phone. Someone says they will call or text, and I take my phone off the charger. I rarely have to remember. Now I do forget to charge my phone. All the time.

But I contacted the lawnmower company. They will get back to me in 2 days. It’s been less than 90 days since I bought it. If they want to replace the battery (which is supposed to be unreplaceable), that’s nice, but I have to find someone to do it. I will try myself…as long as I don’t need a drill. I know how to use a screwdriver. I don’t know how to use pliers. 

Gotta go. My dog is hungry. 

This Week I…

Music of the week: Toby Lightman, Jason Mraz, Joy Oladokun, Halsey, Linkin Park, Ingrid Michaelson, Kelly Clarkson, Marren Morris

TV of the Week:  Survivor, Housewives

Podcasts of the Week: The Vanished, Truth & Justice, Crimelines, True Crime Garage, Unlocking Us with Brene Brown, I Have ADHD, Best Laid Plans, Up & Vanished

Books of the Week: I finished reading One of Us is Dead by Jeneva Rose. Fiction. Not great. Three and 1/3 stars. It’s a mystery. I usually read fiction when I’m sick or my brain needs rest, so I’m reading more fiction this year.

Goal for Next Week: Resting a little. I have two days off from my day job this week. And three days off next week. I will try to take one full day and do NO work (except errands, cleaning, etc.) I want to finish a bunch of books. Organize files on my computer. Make MAJOR business decisions.

Weekend Plans:  Today is Sunday. I tried to mow the lawn but couldn’t. So here I am. Have I mentioned that I’m doing yoga 5 to 6 days a week now? I will blog about that when chaos isn’t happening. I only do about 10 minutes when I’m working at my day job. And 20 minutes on the weekend. I already did my yoga today. I did about 10 minutes today. 20 minutes yesterday.

I have to work on stuff for my client. And then finish a sales page. I took the morning off. Working until 8PM. Hard stop.

Have a lovely week. Thanks for reading!