…about everything. but mainly about my coworker saying i was only still employed because we are so backed up. she said they would get rid of me once they can train others to do what we do. that would probably be about at least 3-6 months from now. to make matters worse, she is one of the people i was supposed to go to lunch with.

well i’m sure that won’t be happening. that’s GREAT news. 🙂 i don’t need something else to stress over.

i know i shouldn’t believe her, however she is tight aka friends with the manager. so she could have inside info. or she could just be gossiping….i really hate that the two people i sit near are buddy buddy with the manager. i don’t do office politics. ::shocker::

i miss my old desk. i wasn’t surrounded by people. it does interfere with my focus. when i get overwhelmed (because I’m given something new or something i don’t know) i tend to lash out at whatever or whoever is there. i mean, i don’t make a sound but i get so agitated. imagine a person on 8 cups of coffee.

sigh. so what would a buddhist do?
-probably not acknowledge what was heard
-continue to work hard
-NEVER GIVE UP
-meditate during lunch -i haven’t done that in 3 weeks
-don’t live as if that is going to happen (the hardest one for me)

in summary, don’t have these ‘i’m getting fired laid off’ thoughts in my head. i need to somehow free myself of these thoughts.
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i tried to follow a hip hop carmen electra dance video. omg, beginners should not even think of starting off with that. i won’t be signing up for a hip hop class anytime soon. back to carmen. I’ve loved her since “baywatch”. 😉 yep i have a little crush on her. she’s a professional dancer (among other things).

anyway the music carmen used was real hip hop (from the 90s) and i barely had enough room to do much of anything. i did do some of it and i was tired and dehydrated afterwards. it is a great workout for people familiar with choreographed dancing. She has a bunch of dvds that i won’t be buying/renting anytime soon.

i guess i need to stick to pop. maybe one day i can’t get over my anxiety and take a beginner’s pop dance class. orwhateverthatwouldbecalled
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i have to go iron. blah.