I decided to use NotebookLM to review my private journals because it includes graphics and text. The audio overview was good, but it included too many names, and I didn’t want to edit it. So here is the 2020 review by NotebookLM.

If you ever want a reality check, read your old journals. I recently dug into my entries from 2020, and looking back, it wasn’t a highlight reel of dramatic epiphanies; it was a lot of everyday hustle, health struggles, and trying to figure out how to balance a day job with a growing freelance side hustle.

Here is a month-by-month look back at exactly what the daily grind of 2020 looked like for me.

January

The year started with a heavy dose of financial anxiety and job dissatisfaction. I was desperate to save money and pay off debt so I could eventually leave my day job, aiming to set aside just a little bit each month: “I just need a minimum amount to save. I should be able to do $50”. Between spending nearly three hours on hold with the bank and trying to get my dog groomed without incident, the baseline mood was basically “Overwhelmed”.

February

By February, I was actively trying to get my freelance business off the ground, but my confidence wasn’t quite there yet. I was struggling with being assertive with my first few clients. “I don’t know how to get out of being ME,” I wrote, wondering if my passive nature was just a personality flaw. I was terrified of saying the wrong thing and felt like I just wanted my clients to tell me explicitly what to do.

March

As the reality of the pandemic set in—as noted by my complaints about using too much scented hand sanitizer—I was feeling completely scattered. Juggling the day job and my freelance homework was taking a toll. I realized, “I’m feeling disorganized. I need to plan more”. I just wanted more time, more money for the work I was doing, and maybe a chance to travel, which was quickly becoming impossible.

April

April brought a rare four-day weekend, and I couldn’t believe it when I managed to sleep in until past 10 AM on a Saturday. But with the extra time, I started overthinking my business structure. I couldn’t open a business savings account, and I started catching myself slipping back into old financial habits. “I think I’m getting too comfortable and spending too much again,” I noted, realizing I was buying into online courses I didn’t even really need.

May

Birthday time. My reaction in my journal was pretty direct: “O God. I’m another year older!!! LOL.” Outside of treating myself to some fast food and a future sauna appointment, the month was dominated by work. I was feeling the squeeze of having multiple clients on top of my regular job. I confessed, “I feel immense pressure. Pressure to always work”. Interestingly, I got a reading done this month that basically confirmed freelance work wasn’t my true “soul’s work,” but I knew I had to keep doing it temporarily just to get paid. I even bought a proper desk, though it meant kicking the dog out of his favorite spot.

June

June brought a tiny bit of relief, mostly because the weather temporarily dropped below 70 degrees. I used some of my extra income to donate to causes I cared about, including a Black trans support charity. On the business side, I was getting frustrated with chasing invoices and waiting around for clients to respond. I realized my business model needed a shift: “I need to stop being hourly and set up a contract”.

July

Summer heat set in, and my workload peaked. I was managing social media for clients, trying to keep up with my day job, and my parent was stepping in to help me manage it all. I was making decent side money—over $500 that month—but the grind was wearing on me. “What if? But in this moment, I’m resentful,” I wrote, trying to remind myself that the intense workload was only temporary.

August

August was rough. I got sick, had to take an uncomfortable COVID swab up the nose, and could barely eat. On top of that, I was pulling 10 hours of overtime at my day job just to scrape together extra cash to pay off debt and build my savings. The one massive win? I finally caved and bought an AC unit. “I suffered for two summers without air. TWO Summers. For no reason?” I joked, deciding the financial hit was absolutely worth it.

September

The burnout completely caught up with me. I was dealing with severe stomach pain, terrified to eat anything other than plain lunch meat, and my sleep was wrecked. During a Reiki appointment, the practitioner called me out on having a “slave” mentality toward my work, and it hit me hard. “She called me on my SLAVE stuff! How the fuck did she know that??”. It was the wake-up call I needed. When a client asked me to do last-minute video editing that same night, I finally put my foot down: “NO FUCKING WAY… Boundaries”.

October

Health issues dominated the fall. I stopped taking my medication to see if it would help, but it just led to me losing weight and struggling to eat. Waiting around for doctors to call me back left me feeling incredibly helpless. Working for clients suddenly felt very restrictive, and I noted, “It’s so weird not to have control over your own schedule”.

November

More medical testing. I finally got a scan done, but the results came back completely unremarkable, which just left me frustrated and still lacking a diagnosis. “I’m not sure of the answer. But I would like an answer,” I wrote. Despite the health anxiety, I kept plugging away at work, taking on new freelance platforms and regretting some of the cheap technology choices I’d made for my website.

December

By the end of the year, things started to settle slightly. I was managing my stomach issues with applesauce and smoothies, and I decided to skip a dreaded medical procedure for the time being. Most importantly, I finally started protecting my free time by taking Sundays completely off. It was a struggle to unlearn the constant hustle— “I just want to work but NOT be doing something all the time,” I admitted. But as 2020 closed out, I was finally trying to stop sweating the small stuff and look at the bigger picture.

This review is so much better than the other reviews by traditional LLMs. But I kept the prompt really simple. And creating the images out of Gemini or Claude would be time-consuming, I mean, HOURS. Editing these pictures took more time than I planned, but I didn’t want to leave any images out. Of course, I wish I’d started with NotebookLM, but I don’t think it was this flexible when I started doing these…oh well.

The only thing I don’t like is that I asked to keep the text anonymous, and it removed the few celebrities I mentioned and the names of other things I didn’t care about. I only wanted names that could easily come back to be left out…not everything! But other than that, it captured the year fine. Not a lot happened. I just worked myself to sickness.