It’s happening again. Sort of my fault because I know better. I know therapists don’t know crap about autism, so why bother? But some therapists can adapt. I only have 10 sessions, so it’s not a year or anything. So I will try one more time since session #1 was only intake. But I can see where this will go.

By the way, I asked for an autism-informed therapist, and they gave me her. Wait for the feedback! I won’t likely say much bad about the therapist. It’s not her fault they sent me to her, but if she can’t adapt, I could mention that without saying she’s a bad therapist. The problem is they have NO HELP for autistic adults. I asked. They gave nothing like always. 

People like to make excuses for the insurance companies and the clinicians. I will hold them accountable since no one else is. They already hate me. So, there is no loss. The bridge has been burned. I take one or a bunch for the team that doesn’t exist. 

Just wanted to get that off my chest, because once again I am spending my time teaching a therapist. Like, I have the energy for that. Is autistic burnout a joke to them, like it is to physicians? And everyone else? I so sick of having to deal with their crap. 

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And here’s what I wanted to start off with: normalcy and how I’m beginning to hate forced normalcy and the people who insist on it. More than racists. More than homophobes. More than anyone. But people who insist on normalcy probably prefer their own race (or whatever they consider normal), and I don’t see them being extremely supportive of LGBTIA+ people either.

So FUCK NORMALCY.

And what a privilege it is to say there is no normal. Do people think we are effing morons? Probably. Of course, no one or very few people hit all the norms. That would be nearly impossible. Have pet snails? A pet turtle? Even a bird isn’t the norm.  Abnormal. Does anyone think that is the issue? How many jobs has Jane lost because she has two parrots? 

 (Keeping this United States only because different countries have different noms).

I want these norm-centric people to stop causing harm. Nothing is wrong with being normal. It’s insisting that others be normal that crosses the line. Everyone doesn’t have to be religious, be heterosexual, attempt to be “neurotypical”, pick between or choose to be either a Republican or Democrat.

Something happened this week that I’m not going to mention (yet). But it just reminded me of all this normal crap. I deal with it every day with work stuff, and I work remotely, so it’s NOT JUST SOCIAL. I go days or weeks without communicating with coworkers.  Sometimes I wish it were just one area of life. It would be easier to deal with.

When I was younger, I never understood why people cared about others’ sexuality,  their religion (or lack thereof), but now I get that they are highly social/into groups and are concerned with survival.  They need everyone to be on the same page, and different people are threatening. Nothing has changed for many since before the advent of electricity. So they seem to have unresolved issues, and their being overly concerned with others’ business shows it.

They can’t mind their own business because everyone’s business is theirs! But no one tells them to work on their trauma. Their behavior is acceptable. All this is just context. I only care about the harm caused.

Now I rarely obey. I even tell them to f&ck off. People in authority. You should have seen me this past week.*  I question the status quo (even at work…but not constantly). I don’t care anymore. I’m not scared anymore. They never offered anything before or now.  And I’m over it. I’m over their rules from BC. 

*Yes, only vision required because I didn’t have to tell them to go to hell. I just ended the conversation and walked away. I don’t have much equity in my house, but when needed, I can tell someone to leave, and they do. Or just shut the door in their face. Whatever works.

. Like many of my entries, I will leave this as is. Unfinished and unpolished. 

What I Did This Week

Music of the Week

Books of the Week

Wow. I didn’t finish any books this week! But I’m seriously reading about 6 books, including 2 nonfiction books. If my stats are up to date, I’ve read 48 books so far this year. Will I make it to 100? I haven’t read that many books in a year…probably ever. I haven’t always kept stats. I think my average is about 50 books a year, so I think I will get there.

What did I start and will probably not finish? (AKA DNF)

• Chasing the Case by John Livingston – Willing to overlook the bad narration in the audiobook, but hearing the words “old farts” so many times is just annoying. And I gave up.
• The Last Seat* by Jenifer Ruff – I just don’t care about the story or the characters.

I probably have more, but I don’t track DNFs as I should. If I tracked them, I wouldn’t accidentally start reading them a year later.

*Affiliate link. Obviously not an endorsement. Hated the book.

Quote of the Week

Yes, some people bind themselves to political teams, think in binary terms, are drawn to social teams, and only look at the surface.