Update from my last entry: I euthanized my dog yesterday. It was unexpected for me because my last dog lived until 17 years old with no major health issues. My dog was only 12. So, the surprise of it all sucks the most. But I also have more control over what I can do at home, and that’s strange too.

When do I eat? My dog isn’t prompting me, so…do I have to eat 3 meals a day? What about snacks? (With gastroparesis, I have to eat small meals, so “snacks” are kind of essential and not a want.) Can I just eat whenever I want? But what if I’m doing something and I’m really focused and engaged? Hours slip by, and I guess I should eat…

Speaking of food, I still don’t have a refrigerator. I think having a fridge and real food would make eating more tempting. Thank g-d, toast doesn’t require a fridge. I could probably eat 2 slices of toast with jam or syrup three times a day if I wasn’t at all concerned with my glucose. Sigh. I love carbs. Gastroparesis (my stomach) also loves carbs. So easy to digest.

And I’m doing the unthinkable again. But I also may be proving a point. I hope not because I’m depleted. I don’t have the energy for BS. My point has already been proven by research (in every country): There is no therapy made for autistic adults. But the insurance company won’t admit it. Some therapists admit it, though. But they might be the minority, and a few admitting online is not real life. It’s skewed.

Anyway, I signed up for 10 sessions. I asked for an autism-informed therapist to help with autistic burnout. They can’t cure it, of course. Not asking for that. Anyway, there are NO autistic informed therapists in my network. There might be some who don’t take insurance or only take another insurance. Regardless, these therapists are RARE. Anyone who says otherwise is likely trying to make themselves feel better by lying and saying help exists…when it doesn’t. This happens a lot.

So, in less than two weeks, I will have session 1. I asked the insurance company to find a therapist who understands autism because none exists in my search, so I handed off the work. I went to the therapist’s website. And guess what? No mention of autism. AT ALL. They are clueless and shouldn’t be “helping.” They can’t even do the least. I’m so done with neurotypicals and their cluelessness. If it didn’t cause harm, it wouldn’t be a big deal. It would just be annoying. But their lack of knowledge is causing harm.

However, I will be open-minded and give her a try. I will give her 3 sessions unless she is so unaware of autism that I can tell in two sessions. The first session is intake, BUT I already told her my life story. She asked every possible question in the online questionnaire, so there’s not a lot to expand on. If she asks the same questions (like some annoyingly do), I will have my online answers up and just repeat them. I hate when providers do this. So glad this is telehealth, so I can just have the PDF of what I already told her.

I should probably not post some of my answers to the intake questions here, but search engines don’t index my site that quickly, so if she were to cut and paste the text, she won’t find it. But I may change a few words, so it won’t be identical. And I’m going to break it into two or three posts since it’s kinda long.

I felt like I had to keep reiterating that I’m not looking for her to cure autistic burnout. I’m realistic. And no feelings crap! No CBT. * And I can’t remember when things happened. I wouldn’t have to tell a therapist familiar with autism half of this, by the way. More labor for the burned-out person. As usual. I’ll post the questionnaire here over the next week.

*Chances of any traditional therapist following this are slim to none. They can’t help it. Even when it’s not helpful because it’s not how the person processes things and not what they need. UGH.

What I Did This Week

Music of the Week

Books of the Week

Finished a few fiction books this week. I swear I will have at least one nonfiction book on this list next week. I have to end this fiction, mystery, thriller spell. But they are easy to read, and right now, I appreciate the ease. Wow, just checked. I read 11 books in May!

• The Doctor’s Widow by Daniel Hurst (Fiction) My rating: ★★★ (really 3.5 stars) Book #2 of a series. Not as enthralling as book #1. From my notes: ok book. nothing really bad. Just average.
• King of Ashes by S.A. Cosby (Fiction). My rating: ★★★ (really 3.5 stars). I don’t know why I insisted on not reading what everyone claims is his best book. This is the 2nd book of S.A. Cosby I’ve read in 30 days. Not my kind of crime. But I will read what is considered his best book, and then I probably won’t be back. Good writer. I just don’t love the genre.
• The Ex Who Came Back by Daniel Hurst (Fiction) My rating: ★★★ (really 3.5) Keeping up with the 3.5 stars theme. And another Daniel Hurst book. Disappointing. I can’t tolerate characters who make a big deal out of nothing. This is a fiction book, the author can make the issue bigger, but insists on making a mountain out of a molehill…why? It doesn’t help the story.
• The Perfect Life by Susanna Beard (Fiction) My rating: ★★★★ (4 stars) Not for people who can’t read about eating disorders. Actually, all the eating stuff and high school stuff could have been left out, and the book would have been okay. But I could relate to the teasing both female characters got about their looks, so I liked the character building, though it didn’t connect that well to the main present-day issue.

*Some of the book links are affiliate links.

Quote of the Week

I’ve been guarding this clover for over a week
Getting laughed at
For thinking that dust speck can speak
Well, let them all laugh
I’ll try not mind, for I have found something they’ll
never find.

– Lyrics by Lynn Ahrens – (Horton the Elephant from the musical “Seussical.”)