I’m so done with everything and everyone. But the jerks won’t leave me alone and I can’t rest. Even if people suck (and they do), why can’t I just have time to breathe? I hate everything and everyone. And the one thing that will set me off more is someone telling me how great things or people are.

And that’s why I don’t do therapy anymore.

Okay, not really. I don’t do therapy because I don’t need to be told why or how something is. I know why. I’m good at seeing things as they are so I don’t need help with that. I know how people are motivated.

And I don’t want anyone gaslighting me. So, CBT can go to hell. For the record, I don’t think most of ACT is that bad, but I can’t say I love it 100%. But it’s good for people who more reality than the CBT stuff. Don’t recommend the exposure stuff they use when it comes to PTSD, though. In fact, that can be dangerous.

What’s really bothering me is that I can’t just stop and breathe. I tried yesterday and it blew up in the WORST way. And here I am. Ranting here.

Some people get to breathe. Not me. Never me. Does that mean that I’m on the bottom? It’s not a basic question by Survivor players. Being on the bottom happens in real life too. Someone is always on the bottom.

I want to tell everyone to go to hell, but I can’t. So much for autonomy. Well, I can. But I don’t talk to most people. So, it would be strange to just say, “go to hell.” I did email a few businesses. Telling them to eff off.

Like USPS. How do you lose my medicine? The tracking number disappeared. I have NEVER had that happen before. Lost packages and mail? Sure. But the tracking number disappearing? HUH? Never. Someone stole it. Someone on the inside who could “easily” make the tracking number disappear.

Of course, I think it was a local person because it should have gotten to my city that day. It started 3,000 miles away in Arizona. Then when it hits the Midwest, it sometimes stops giving the exact location because it’s on a truck. And then it stopped after it should have hit the east coast.

Evil JERKS. Okay, maybe someone has an addiction. See, I give breaks. But still. Stealing is stealing.

(Btw, all of those emails are to “no reply” email addresses. I’m not emailing Shelia to tell her how crappy her boss is. Plus, she already knows. Still feels good to tell people with power how I really feel.)

I still don’t have my medicine. But who cares. No one. Trust me.

It’s funny. I haven’t mentioned not sleeping much for the past month. Whatever.

Some people get hit worse when things are going bad for “everyone” and dammit, if I’m going to accept this crap laying down. I’m breathing FIRE. Black people get the flu or whatever that saying is. Well, that’s true. The poor, disabled, LGBT, etc. Don’t just accept it. That’s CBT and you can think, my friend.

I had another entry planned for today, but shit hit the fan. And that’s why this November Brain Dump challenge is okay. I don’t plan too far in advance. Mostly only 24-36 hours in advance. I’m only 12 hours ahead right now, so I might miss my first day soon. I have no idea.

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They have everything I don’t have. How could I ever compete with that?