I forgot to mention the Pulse Nightclub shooting in my last entry about memorable events (sounds callous). I’m still in denial about it. I intentionally try to forget it. But I was browsing Audible podcasts and finally decided to listen to Pulse: The Untold Story. I said I never would, but it’s there, so I’m listening to it now.
That didn’t really happen. How could someone kill 49 people, injure over 50 and it’s like nothing happened? Why has this been erased? Maybe the podcast will provide an answer.
Now onto a topic that I think I have more clarity on, but I’m doubting how long this clarity will last. Is this shallow clarity?
I can’t practice radical acceptance because I’m not accepted. Reality isn’t accepted…so why are these people talking about acceptance? Huh? What? Come again. Are they trying to make this confusing? Everything people do is confusing.
Did I say I had clarity? This is why I don’t like thinking because it ruins everything.
What is reality? Reality isn’t necessarily the truth. Right? That’s an issue. I think perception is reality in some situations. I can’t say all. My neighbor perceives my dog is bad because he barks at all strangers. Reality doesn’t matter. To him, my dog is bad. My dog isn’t bad to me. He’s my life!
How many introverts get perceived as stuck up? But not by me. To me, Meg is just quiet. If the majority of people in the group see her as stuck up, reality doesn’t matter. Meg is stuck up.
Do that with an autistic person and I see this as a HUGE problem. Why do we get stuck at dead end jobs if we can get a job at all? Oh. They want me to accept this. Hmmm. Accept low pay, working all the time and DYING at a young age? I need someone to say this directly to me. I don’t bite.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO UNDERSTAND THINGS THAT DON’T MAKE SENSE? Or as Kelly would say, the math isn’t mathing.
Oh, I might have lost my part-time job. They slowly let everyone go and said only people who passed a new training would stay. But two hours ago, everyone (not me) whether they passed or fail the training got back in the system and is working. ?? I think it might be a glitch, or they are desperate and need people.
I was in the last email group, so we haven’t been told anything. I haven’t had the new training. The worst thing about this is not telling anyone. If it weren’t for a message board, I would only know that I can’t work. They aren’t answering emails.
I was thinking about just letting the job go. I don’t hate the job. But I HATE the pressure. Unrealistic expectations. They want 100% accuracy. My scores overall have been better than average, but the cost of trying to be near perfect is so high that I’m glad I have two evenings off. The pay is okay. It’s more than minimum wage. They took away almost every benefit a few months ago.
Is worrying about money worth letting the job go? Maybe. I’m sick. Burned out. blah, blah.
I would LOVE to have the weekend off. But it’s hard to predict things when things don’t make sense.