I don’t know how people buy food or do anything these days. I know the marginalized always get hit the hardest, which scares me. I had savings, and then I got sick. Well, I started getting sick in July 2020, but I didn’t stop working, so the money continued, and that is why I got sick again in January.
Take a break. And be on the street? And not have food? And be judged by everyone who told to take a break? Please. It doesn’t make sense. People who have no choice but to rest are resting. And people who can afford to relax, rest. That is hard to understand for many people.
I will be okay money-wise in August unless I burn out again. I have one day off from my day job. I get a bonus in about three weeks. It should be $350—nothing like what the CEO will get. I work for a billion-dollar company, and many of us without partners are working part-time jobs or have a part-time business because the company pay is low.
I wish I could put all of that $350 in savings. But $100 will be for taxes ( split between state and federal). And I have many appointments in September & August, so that gas might be about $65. I will get my one credit card back to an average balance, and then some will go into savings. Probably $30.
Today kind of sucked. I couldn’t pay for all my food! But I was in self-checkout, so it wasn’t embarrassing. It still sucked, though. I only put $10 worth of food back. I had to pay on three cards: two debit and one credit card.
I’m going to start eating less. I can’t eat much anyway due to gastroparesis. But I am supposed to eat five small meals/snacks a day. As long as I stay over 110 pounds, I’m fine. I’m back to drinking a smoothie every morning. That helps with calories. I used to put spinach in it, but I found out the hard way that I’m allergic to it.
Raspberries are nutritional, and I did that for two weeks, but they are so expensive. So, now my smoothie is:
- one cup of almond milk
- peanut butter
- strawberries (1 or 2)
- kale
- protein powder (until I run out)
I thought I made a good grocery list, but I still overspent! Kale is expensive compared to spinach. I think the problem was the bread. I can eat bread because it’s easy to digest. But usually, the bread shelves are empty. But I went to the store at 8:45 this morning. And everything was in stock! That is good, but not good for my wallet. I saw the bread and thought, “Wow, I need this kind and this kind.” UGH.
I have a lot going on with this business. I am 100% going to focus on digital products soon. My 1st real template with my name on it is coming out on August 1. I have a lot of work to do. So, I have to go.
I was supposed to talk about quitting my job and getting SSDI, but everything is constantly changing. I’m still planning on leaving. I will not be there in a year, for sure. A lawyer told me they wouldn’t represent me SSDI because I currently work full-time. I was devasted.
But there is another lawyer 45 minutes from me (ugh, the gas and time) that has represented people on the autism spectrum who work. I hate to get too optimistic.
Either way, I will probably cash out my 401K. I never was going to use that for retirement. Who the fuck is retiring? Not me. I was going to use it for a downpayment on a house. If I cash out, I will “only” get $15,000 due to fees and taxes. With SSDI, that’s fine. Without a job or SSDI, 15K won’t go far. The only good thing is that I would finally have the opportunity to work in my business FULL TIME.
People keep asking me why I don’t go full-time in my business. Because I don’t have enough savings, and I can’t work 90 hours a week because I’m burnt out. And now, I’m switching from services to digital products. If I didn’t have my day job, I would want one client who pays at least $500 monthly and then sell digital products. That’s it. I can only make about $1,300 a month from my business and still get SSDI. SSDI and SSI are very different.
If I make $65K a year or even $40K, I must let SSDI go. They would give me a few months to get settled. They wouldn’t cut me off for making $3000 one month. They know businesses fluctuate.
This Week I…
Music of the week: Carly Pearce, Jade Novah, Boyce Avenue, Hailee Steinfield, Jillette Johnson, Kelly Clarkson, Ellie Goulding, Jewel
TV of the Week: Big Brother, Housewives
Big Brother is great for people who like to study people. Psychology majors, neurodivergent folks, curious people…so good. Look for the group think.
Podcasts of the Week: The Vanished, Truth & Justice, The Piketon Massacre, True Crime Garage, Carrie Low VS., Murdaugh Murders, 10% Happier, CounterClock, Sisterhood of the Uncomfortable Pants, Generation Why
Books of the Week: I don’t think I finished any books this week. I’m reading about 54 books. My favorite book is What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo. (trauma warning) I think I’m on chapter 3 or 4, and it’s so depressing. She says at the beginning of the book that things are better now. Hearing her say how trauma takes 20 years of your life and all that…it’s just sad
So many people have C-PTSD. C-PTSD is trauma over time. That’s what I have. A car accident would be one traumatic event. That would fall under PTSD. I’m glad it got better for her. I would love to know if she did neurofeedback or just talk therapy. Or what? I need to know!!!
I really have to get back to work. I didn’t mention that I started filling out my SSDI application; they are already reviewing it. I only answered seven questions. NONE of them ask me about a diagnosis. So WTF? They told me I had three months to finish. Uh…I will be getting a rejection letter soon because I didn’t finish. So there’s nothing to review. LOL. What a waste of their time.
Have a good week. Stay cool if you can.