This is an unfinished blog post from 07/16/22, but I will post it anyway. Here it is…

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I don’t know where to start. I need clarity…again! I still think people suck. But that has never changed. If I leave my disdain for people out of things. Let’s see what is going on:

I will probably go on SSI (disability), but I don’t know when. I’m so exhausted I wish I could start NOW, but only 53% of people get SSI on their first try. I have already worked enough to receive $1,700 a month, which is okay with someone fine living in an apartment or with a roommate.

I can’t live in an apartment. That’s not an option. I can’t live with another human, BUT there are circumstances I would be willing to give a try if someone has a mother-in-law suite or room. Or whatever they are called.

I can’t leave my dog. If all my debt were paid off, I could stay here IF the property owners don’t raise the rent. But, unfortunately, I can’t find a cheaper house in the state. Moving out of state would cost too much, and America is America. The state doesn’t matter.

SSI wants people to start a business. So, having a biz is not a huge deal. But what if it’s successful for three years and then not? I have never been able to work full-time in my business, and I’m moving to digital products. So, I can’t worry about that right now.

I’m glad SSI is an option. However, I feel like the doctor who wrote my assessment report didn’t help me. She didn’t portray the trouble I’m having with work. So I hope I can get a therapist to write me a letter with that. She gave me the autism DX and said she’s fine working. LOL.

She did say I’m in the 1% for social stuff. But my IQ is normal (especially verbally), and she said I have normal cognitive ability. Uh, WHAT? I was scared about the IQ test because my memory loss is terrible, and I was thinking, how do I pass an IQ test??? But I did okay. My verbal score helped with my low nonverbal score.

Anyway, I can’t do this 40-hour work shit anymore. But I’m not quitting. They can fire me. Fine. I want to kill whoever came up with the 40-hour work week. Yeah, that works for some. It used to work for me.

I can’t quit, so on to accommodations. I’m thinking of trying to split the horrid 40 hours into six days. I want to work when I want to. LOL. I’m having a hard time splitting it up. I feel different on different days. After 1 PM, I usually start having difficulty focusing.

Maybe one 8-hour workday. And then I’ll split the rest of the time up. It would be so much better if I weren’t with these people I hate. Why did they make me move here in 2020? WHY?

This Week I…

Music of the week:  Taylor Swift, Katharine McPhee, Boyce Avenue, Big Red Machine, Ed Sheeran, Jessica Simpson, Kelly Clarkson

Some music stats I found interesting:

TV of the Week:  Big Brother, Grey’s Anatomy Housewives

Podcasts of the Week: The Vanished, Truth & Justice, True Crime Garage, Up & Vanished, I Have ADHD, Hide & Seek, What Should I Read Next?

Books of the Week: I finished: so many books since I last posted. I will name two for now.

I think Brene Brown is good. I love her research, but I find her books not very compelling. I don’t know why. Some of the things I feel she says are obvious, so I’m not learning anything new. Atlas of the Heart – 4 stars.

Happy Days by Gabby Bernstein should have a trigger warning. And it didn’t help me much at all. It’s a book about trauma. Only one book has helped me with trauma, and this ain’t it. I had trouble sleeping after doing one of the exercises, which isn’t her fault, BUT she said not to do it before bed after giving ALL the instructions. I think I gave it 3 or 3 and 1/2 stars on my spreadsheet.

Goals for This Week: Too many to name. The main thing is to finish my sales page because I have a hard deadline if I want L to send it out to her email list.

I didn’t sleep well last night, so I’m going to bed a little earlier tonight. I didn’t feel that tired today, but I know I need more than 5 hours of sleep. Since this entry isn’t finished, I have no idea if any of it makes sense. It’s just me thinking out loud. Now, I’m going to journal in my private journal and get ready for me. Thanks for reading!