TW: suicide, cancer

April was good until today. It figures. Nothing can be good for me.

I have pretty sure I have a brain tumor. That isn’t a big deal. I’m not into living. BUT the stats say I have less than two years to live. I’ve had these symptoms for over a year. So I could be near death.

I don’t mind dying. But not like this. I thought I would have 3 years. Or 2. Okay, I thought it would be 4 years.

If I’m dying right now… This sucks. I can’t do anything. I don’t have money to do anything. I can’t even withdraw from my 401K. I have nothing. I could get disability. So no work. I would quit ASAP. In May probably.

I BET THOSE BITCHES WILL GIVE ME MY MONEY THEN. CAN’T BEAT CANCER. FUCKERS.

I thought about killing myself today. But I dunno. I would rather be sure I have a brain tumor. I can’t go to the ER to find out because it would be a $400 copay and I’m not paying that. If my doctor tells me that, I will say I don’t have the money. That’s true.

I might not go to work tomorrow. I feel crap. But I did okay today. If I go it will be later than normal. I work at home. So going to my computer.

Listening to Jason Mraz. So things are okay for now.

I might be able to quit my job soon and have nothing. If I’m healthy I will turn my biz into full-time but what’s the point if I’m going to die 6 months to a year?

Sorry for typos. I’m finally cooking. Not hungry.

if anyone says anything at all, I’m going to say “I have a brain tumor. I’m dying”

Capitalism kills. I told you. Listen to me.