(This site will expire on April 23, 2022. The blog will be here after that date.   If you go to anotherparade.com, it might redirect to that site. I’m not sure).

Antidepressants don’t work for me. I’ve tried so many There is something called depression-resistant treatment. That’s me. But I also have a social and financial resource problems. So, would anyone be depressed in my situation? 

I don’t need friends. I need help. If I had money, I could easily have support. Now I don’t have extra money for help, so I need social resources. But, unfortunately, I don’t have any. Well, my mom would help me with food. So I’m not entirely alone. But when it comes to money, it’s all up to me. 

Am I depressed, or is my life fucked up? Well, I blame our country’s stupid policies. But that’s not the point of this entry. Anyone could be depressed if they needed help but couldn’t get it because they didn’t have the resources. My point is that I’m not depressed. However, my life circumstances are depressing, so that is why medicine has never worked. 

The only thing that kind of work is Abilify and Adderall. Abilify made me too happy. Not good. I wish I could go back on it. But once I tried to get off and had horrible withdrawal. The third time I stopped Abilify (in 2019?), I had NO problems at all. None. 

I only take one dose of Adderall on the weekends, which helps with depression. I could probably take only one dose Monday through Friday, but it’s supposed to help with focus, so I feel like I have to take it for my job. But it doesn’t help with focus as much. It only helps with depression. 

And I also get drained around 1:45 PM every day, and if I woke up late or have to do overtime, I feel like the second dose of Adderall might make me a little less tired. But, unfortunately, it doesn’t always help. 

I just realized that I only need one dose of Adderall a day, and I’ll be fine. I will try not to worry about if I don’t have health insurance. Adderall is not cheap. It’s not as expensive as some drugs, but everything will be costly if I can’t pay my rent. 

I had the interview on Tuesday. Wednesday was the last day they did interviews. I haven’t heard back, so I probably didn’t get it. As of today, I’m okay with that because I have a meeting with a potential new client today. One mistake I made was that they asked for your website or portfolio/resume. I don’t have a resume for freelance work because I have a business. I don’t usually apply for jobs. So I gave them my website. Uh, my website doesn’t show that I have all the experience they asked for. Next time, I know when someone asks for your website, they are looking for a portfolio, NOT a business website. 

I’m not used to this. The interview went fine. I’m focusing on the potential client today. The pay is fine. It will be more than I usually charge for this service. But it’s a lot of work. It’s time-consuming. LOL. I haven’t worked on the online course I’m creating all weekend. I’ve been working on the hopefully “new client” and old client work. I’m kind of disappointed that my course might get pushed back or never come out.

But I’m still dealing with burnout. The symptoms are worse. I think it’s due to day job problems. I didn’t sleep well last week due to work stress/anxiety. I hate them. But more on them later. If they stop saying crap about me, I would have nothing to talk about. I’m doing my work as I’ve done for all the years I’ve been in the workforce.

I have to take a break to mow the front yard. I’m not cutting the back because the mower only lasts for 30 minutes. LOL. AND I have to remove the sticks from the backyard. That will probably take 45 minutes or so. If I had a regular mower, I could leave some sticks, but this mower can’t take any sticks. 

I’ll be back after I take 30 minutes to mow the yard. But, first, I have to put my dog in his cage. I hate that part. 

UPDATE FREAKING DATE

I got a new client. $300 a month!! Well, I have to pay taxes on it. Woo. Maybe I can hire support? LOL. Not with one payment of $300. I have to save, save, and pay bills. 

No more clients right now due to time restraints. I mowed the lawn for about 25 minutes. The mower cut off. I’m worried about the battery because it was about 90 degrees for two days. I don’t have AC. That’s not good for the battery. And I charged it overnight, which I think I read is a no-no. But, of course, I forgot to take it off the charger. 

I have a ton to do now. I’m going to be a guest on a podcast. This should be exciting, but I don’t do podcasts for a reason. I suck at talking. And what do I want to reveal? I can talk about burnout. I will not mention where I work or say too much about work. More on this later. 

This Week I…

Music of the week: Miranda Lambert, Tori Kelly, Joss Stone, Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift, The Wreckers, Yola, Alana Davis

TV of the Week:  Survivor, Homeland

Podcasts of the Week: The Vanished, Truth & Justice, Crimelines, Hell and Gone, True Crime Garage

Books of the Week: I still haven’t tracked my books. I don’t think I finished anything. I’m close to finishing Not a Happy Family by Shari Lapena. I’ll probably finish it today. This book reminds me why I don’t read fiction. No real spoilers: Someone you hate dies and leaves you almost $10 million. Uh, what’s the problem? These people!! LOL. I wanted a light read and I got it. So far I would rate it 3 stars.

Also reading: The Storyteller by Dave Grohl and You Were Born For This: Astrology for Radical Self Acceptance by Chani Nicholas

I might not finish the Chani book. I know astrology and I feel like I have to take notes while listening to it. I listen to books while I’m working. I can’t take notes.

Goal for Next Week: I was going to take Monday evening off, but I have a new client. I can’t take tomorrow off. I want to do well with the new client. That’s about it. And ignore day job BS.

Weekend Plans: Today is Sunday. I woke up feeling depressed. That’s why the blog post started off talking about depression. But then I took my one dose of Adderall, mowed the lawn, walked my dog, had an HOUR talk with my new client, and whew. I don’t know where I am right now. I’m working the rest of this evening/night.

Have a lovely week. Thanks for reading! 💟