I finally figured out how to not renew anotherparade.com. So it will be gone by March 22, 2022. I will go back to whatever the other site was. I wish I could remember the link. I will post it on March 22, but I don’t think anyone is reading. So it doesn’t matter.

UPDATE: I thought of the old domain at 6AM. Starting on March 22 or 23, my blog will be here. Everything from this site should be there. Some of the images will be gone because I won’t have enough space, but the entries will be there. paperthoughts.wordpress.com

What a week! And work wasn’t the number one stressor. My business is a bit of a stressor, but not my day job. 

So sick of everything and everyone. But that’s all the time. Not really. When lousy shit stops happening, I’ll stop talking about it. 

It started with me being so excited to find an electric lawnmower! But, unfortunately, it’s cheap, and it won’t make your yard look pretty. The $350+ electric lawnmowers might make your lawn look okay, but the cheaper ones make your yard look like someone cut it with scissors. LOL. But I don’t care.

Here is a pic of the mower: It was $159. It went down to $129 this week. My grass is wild out front, so I had to buy it.

I care about not getting gas, using oil, and bringing it into the house. However, fuck, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I thought I went over everything. Um, how am I supposed to get it back in the house? I have four steps. I can’t lift the mower over four steps. I’ve always been weak. And since I’ve been sick, I’m down to 109 pounds. I can’t lift shit!

Can I afford a lawnmower? Nope. But I have to mow the lawn. I considered hiring someone (still costs money), but the neighbor’s pit bull is in my backyard, so who will mow with a dog in the yard?

The assembly person is supposed to come on Monday around 8 AM. Great. I was going to mow the front yard on Tuesday. The back is fine. Anyway, what if the person wants to test the mower?? And I can’t get it back in the house? FUCK. I don’t have any help. I would have to watch the lawnmower, not work and hire someone from Craigslist to get it in the house. 

After that, I would chain it outside, which I was trying to avoid. I live around a few thieves. It’s not everybody. But my rocks and security camera were stolen. Who cares about rocks? I do. 

So a great idea turns out lousy? Ugh. That’s my life. It “only” weighs 27 pounds which is why I bought it, and it was cheap but had good reviews. The excellent delivery person put it on my front step. THANK YOU! It was hard to bring in the house. I can’t take it out of the box. LOL. I need help. But there is no help unless you have social or financial resources.  

Another thing about the lawnmower is that it only lasts for about 30 minutes on a 4-hour charge of the battery. That’s not too bad. I can’t mow the front and back with that. But I never mow both yards on the same day. I will probably mow during lunch, so 30 minutes is perfect. If I were 100% healthy, I could easily finish the front yard in 30 minutes, now I’m not so sure…

The main thing causing money problems is paying about $1,300 in taxes to the IRS and taking two weeks of mostly unpaid leave. Isn’t this country great? Get sick, and you’re screwed. Way to go, United States. You’re #1. Ugh. Never. 

During the autism assessment, the psychologist asked if I’d ever been in a mental hospital? UH, WHO CAN AFFORD THAT? I wanted to go. But I’m not going broke over that. Plus, I don’t want to leave my dog. I love my dog.

I haven’t paid the IRS. I will be finishing up my taxes on Sunday. I will not be paying them $1,300. I think there is a payment plan, but do I have to print my taxes for that? I don’t have a printer, but I’m going to my mom’s on April 3. She has a printer. I hope her printer has ink. I have to ask before I go there. 

I miss having a printer. I still have my old one for the scanner. No printer. No iPad (refurbished). No air conditioner. No washer. No dryer. No birthday trip.

Of course, all I really care about is the birthday trip. I’ve taken a week off for my birthday for about 13 years! (not 13 years straight). How lucky, right? My birthday is on a Monday. I’m taking that Monday and Tuesday off, and I’m not traveling. I never go anywhere extravagant. I try to stay in-state and keep it between $350 and $600. 

I can’t believe I thought I could get this iPad for my birthday. What a joke! And a washer? Dream on. I wasn’t dumb enough to dream about getting a dryer. Air conditioner? Not rich enough. 

If I were paying for the autism assessment, I would stop the process right now. The psychologist does not specialize in autism. She thinks you if you work full-time, you can’t have autism. Meet all the people diagnosed with autism who work full-time and have autism. No, I didn’t have behavioral problems. I was too scared to do anything! Yes, I work every day. I don’t want to go back and live with my mom. I just escaped her. I’m not going back now! Geez. 

Anyway, I’m not getting the results until July. LOL. As if I might even have a job in July. SIGH. I’m doing the actual assessment in June. I just did the interview portion on Monday. What a waste of time. I need someone who specializes in autism. ADULT autism. They don’t even teach psychologists about autism in college. The study said 90% don’t learn about autism in school.

I didn’t know I was getting a ‘regular’ psychologist. I would have never gone. She doesn’t get it. When I have enough money, I will go to the state’s one adult autism specialist. It will probably cost about $650. So, it isn’t happening in the next six months. 

I might blog about the interview portion more later. It was a joke. I was so pissed! 

This Week I…

Music of the week: Aaliyah, Taylor Swift, Janet Jackson, Mariah Carey, Billie Myers, Lisa Loeb, Adina Howard, Allure

TV of the Week:  Big Brother Australia, Survivor

Podcasts of the Week: The Vanished, The Springfield Three

Books of the Week:  I finished reading What Happened To You: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Dr. Brucce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey Rating: ★★★★★ I tried to read this book when it first came out, and I was bored. But now that I know so much more about trauma, this is the best book ever! For me, it wasn’t too triggering. I still haven’t finished Happy Days by Gabby Bernstein because it is so triggering, and I need to be in the right mood. Anyway, an excellent book for someone who wants to understand trauma in a REAL way. It is better than The Body Keeps the Score, but I’m going to revisit that book. 

I also finished reading Dead by Sunset: Perfect Crime, Perfect Killer by Ann Rule (true crime). I read this book over 15 years ago. It’s still good, but it’s so long. Ann Rule will always be the queen of true crime. RIP. I rated it ★★★★ 

Goal for Next Week:  Don’t get too pissed off. 

Weekend Plans: Finish taxes on Sunday or finish them the best I can without paying. LOL. I’m working on my online course. I want it released the day after my birthday, the course should be finished before then. But since I don’t control most of my time, I can’t say. 

I will make a space for the lawnmower assembly person to assemble the mower in the living room. The person will probably want to assemble it outside, and I will ask, “Are you going to bring it back in the house?” 

I’m so tired. I hope I get to relax this weekend. I think I might try to rest on Sunday. I don’t know if I can. I’ve been waking up at 4 AM almost every morning. One day I went back to sleep. 

Have a nice weekend. Thanks for reading!