I haven’t been doing all my therapy homework. I’m going to have to explain why. And it may involve no more therapy after my next appointment in May. I hate to say “I’m not ready” because if I’m not ready now, I will never be ready. I think it is best for me to jump in the deep end of the pool. I may mention this to my therapist or just do it.

I’ve been burnt out. This past week after getting home from work, I’ve been sleeping for hours. I felt like I was on the urge of a breakdown. I’m very thankful for being able to sleep in the evenings. In the past, I would have to just keep going. And I would have broken down. Well I kinda did on Wednesday…but with proper sleep, it would’ve been worse.
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I did go eat in the cafeteria at work. 🙂 I tried not to have a “I’m only doing this because my therapist told me so” attitude. It was easier than I thought. It was sunny and warm. I was able to walk around outside before going in. I ordered an egg salad sandwich and brought my own soda from home. LOL. I did cheat. I had my hat on and I went when the cafeteria first opened for lunch. So I got to pick where I sat. etc.

I almost had a Romona Singer (from rhonyc) meltdown when someone sat two tables from me. She was facing me! So my mind on autopilot went:

Why did she have to sit there? Out of all of these tables…and she’s facing me! UGH! WHY?

Then I thought about why I was there…um hello! That moment quickly passed. I went back to reading my magazine (which was allowed by my therapist). I stayed longer than I was supposed too. 🙂 woohoo. However, I didn’t really learn anything. I did something new by sitting in the cafe. It would have been 10x harder if I’d NEVER been in there before. I’ve ordered food from there about 10 times over a 3 year period. So the only new thing was actually sitting down…which wasn’t a big deal.

Immediately after lunch I did feel a sense of belonging in the environment. (Does that make sense?) Anyhow, it didn’t last long. But I did it. eh. Will I do it again? Probably not. I’d rather sit outside since it is getting warm.
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My cat still hasn’t gone to the vet. I have to take her tomorrow. She never likes to be picked up. Even when she was at her other house, she didn’t like being picked up. I’m assuming she’s always been this way.

I hate hearing my cat in pain so as soon as I pick her up and I think I’m hurting her, I freak out. That’s the major problem. I can’t pick her up and put her back down. Once she’s down it’s ruined. Geez, my stomach is starting to churn just thinking about it.

Of course I am also worried about being scratched or bitten. She has already done both before….Understand why I’m scared? The good news, is that she is feeling better but she still has to go to the vet.