i believe in the universe and the law of attraction. it’s the only thing i have faith in. and that’s why i think i get so frustrated and overwhelmed.

it’s always “what did i do to deserve this or that?” i’ve had a bad two weeks. maybe it will turn out fine in the end. sometimes i wake up so hopeful. and then one thing sets me off. i really think i could use some valium but no doctor is going to give it to me ‘just so i can do better at work’.

this may show how petty i can be. 😉 we have IM at work. i only added 2 people. my manager and trainer. this afternoon after i thought she was gone, i added my first trainer. i really enjoyed working with her. she is extremely knowledgeable. anyhow, i added her right before i was getting ready to leave….and she IMMEDIATELY logged off. i thought ‘what a bitch move!’ Normally i believe in coincidences but there is history here.

1. i don’t chat to anyone unless they talk to me first. (just like in real life)
2. i thought she was gone

the petty part is that i’m deleting her on Monday morning. it won’t be obvious because i’ll do it when i’m “offline”. she probably won’t notice for a while. geez, i don’t even chat! screw you.

i get rejected a lot. so much that i no longer try. i don’t know if i will ever be more open to people. i doubt it.

still waiting for my cat’s blood work to come back