If a doctor tells you, “You have cancer and probably only have six months to live,” you will likely feel completely overwhelmed.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Overwhelmed by having time to do things other than work? First, I’m putting on George Michael’s Freedom, and then I’m quitting my job. Talk about a celebration. Some would say you’d probably have no energy to “do things”. Funny, I don’t do things now other than feed my pets and work.

No exaggeration, I don’t think reading and blogging here counts as doing things to most people. Other than that, I only do what’s required by law, and I do it badly, but it checks the box. It still takes too much energy to run at a deep deficit all the time.

---

My definition of solitude:

Peaceful physical time alone. Private, no one watching. Animals are okay sometimes unless they constantly need attention. Humans are never ok for peaceful solitude. Of course, this includes no need to communicate via text, writing, or verbally

This is my definition. Some people are comfortable enough to have a certain person around, or strangers.

When I was reading about solitude a few weeks ago, I missed this study, which brought me back to it. Here are two more questions they asked in this research.

In defining solitude for ourselves, does it matter if we are with/without people?

Yes. Pure pleasant solitude involves no people. Even when they “aren’t doing anything”, they are doing something. lol. They watch, judge, and make (often wrong) assumptions. Their presence isn’t always a bother, though. For example, if I choose to go to a park, one or two people there likely won’t even be jarring. But I would never go to a busy park if the #1 goal was solitude.

When we are on our own, are we longing to be with others or trying to avoid them? Or are we looking to solitude to balance what we get from our core selves with what we need from others?

Ha. Longing to be with others is a foreign concept to me. The obvious (to me) issue is that the stress of socializing outweighs any benefit, especially when I have no energy. But no, I don’t get lonely. Balance is an interesting concept since I spend 90% of my time alone, so it can’t be 50/50. So the answer is no. But when I had to work in an office 5 days a week, I felt like I needed alone time more than ever.

Actually…how could I not mention this? Living in a city is not exactly real solitude. I can’t imagine living in an apartment and feeling peaceful. Now I live in a house, and people are still around. (So strange…) My point is, if I can hear people, then I’m not really having “peaceful solitude.” I’d call it “being alone 90% of the time.” That’s good, but not nearly as restful.

I think if I lived in a rural area with no people around, I’d probably not be in this burnout state. I’d experience burnout but then recover (yes – even when working 42+ hours a week). Now it’s a 24/7 thing. No recovery in sight. I’d need pure, peaceful solitude (and less work) to recover at this point. This is only a hypothesis since it can’t happen. I’m going by past experience: I would take 2-day vacations in a rural area and feel so refreshed. Then, when I get back home, I start hearing and seeing people; it’s like no “recovery” happened.

But the real issue is working too many hours. And then not having real recovery. Without the constant working that started in 2020, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be stuck now.

I have to mention Hikikomori. It means “to pull inward and remain enclosed” in Japanese. Of course, clinicians and others think it’s horrible and needs treatment. I say if only I could do that. So doctors aren’t interested in helping people like me and want to pathologize it. Thanks for the confirmation. I already know the treatment – an antidepressant. What else could they possibly offer? Oh, right, CBT. So that’s solved. Brilliant.

I am not endorsing this doctor’s quote: he (Tamaki Saito) wrote a book and is like many who think social withdrawal is the issue when the people he mentions have usually committed a violent attack against their family. Why pick on Hikikomori types? How about getting to the root of the so-called issue instead of looking on the surface (so easy) and thinking you see something?

More about Hikikomori in the future. I’ve been doing it for years (decades); if you look on the surface, but as long as I have to work, it isn’t Hikikomori. No violence yet either, but others who are NOT socially withdrawn have been violent to me. They are considered socially “normal.” Couldn’t be more normal, in fact.

The following quote from this doctor’s book made me laugh. What are happy, socially withdrawn people doing besides leaving people alone? Happily breaking the law? Blogging? (Oops! Inserting myself.) Not concerned with your social life? Does he also believe most murders are due to witchcraft?

“A withdrawn lifestyle typically involves a great deal of anguish. If individuals do not
experience anguish or discomfort in living this way, then they are the ones we should
really be about. Those who do not feel any anguish living a life of withdrawal
for over a year should be checked to see if they are experiencing some other kind of
mental illness.”

Is he worried about social withdrawal or people living in solitude? In his book, he describes people who use social isolation to adapt to high stress, but these people were fine with social interaction before the big stressor. However, most are introverts, so they don’t get energy from people and are rarely the life-of-the-party type. They feel better alone; their stress outweighs their current capacity, so they temporarily withdraw. Why is that difficult to understand? (Not going on an empathy rant.)

As someone not anguished by a lack of social interaction, I say he should mYOB, but he likely can’t help it. Doctors have problems too.

There will be more.

---

This Week in Media & Other Things

Music of the Week

12 listens for miranda lambert. The one got cut off.

Books of the Week

I didn’t even realize I only finished one book in over 12 days. I’m still slowly reading East of Eden and a few other books. UPDATE: I did read one other book, but it was so forgettable I forgot I’d read it until I checked my library checkout history!

Everybody is a Liar by Liv Constantine (Fiction). My rating: ★★★ (3.75 stars). I was going to give this book 4 stars, but I looked at my notes and realized many characters were there for no reason. But kudos to the author for keeping it to a 3.5-hour audiobook. (No ebook exists.) The storytelling is straightforward. Not for people who need suspense or who enjoy a character-driven story.

^{What Happened at No. 13 by Saskia Sarginson (Fiction). My rating: ★★★ (3 stars). I forgot I read this, but I thought I enjoyed it. I didn’t type out any notes, which means it was a very quick read, but I still gave it 4 stars, so I’m confused lol. Anyway, I read reviews to remind myself what happened, and some of it came back, but I still don’t have a good reason for my initial 4-star review. So, good initially but forgettable is my review}

Quote of the Week