I didn’t think there was much to learn about people, but then I started looking at ostracism research. Boring. Okay, not really, but nothing new to see here. I know why people do it. It’s quite simple. There’s no depth to it. They haven’t moved on from the Stone Age, so I moved on and eventually found a few things on the positive aspects of solitude. What a concept!

Of course, I already know the positive effects: less stress, hello! No matter what work or money stress I have, I know it could be worse. I could have to deal with people every day. But others are less aware of this. They rely on external validation and still believe that being alone means being lonely, even though they can look up word definitions.

Americans claim to value independence, but not that kind of independence. They need you to value their opinion so they can tell you what to do. Hey, it works…Not for me and a few others, and that’s why they ostracize others. It still isn’t working, but you know people. They aren’t spending much time reflecting if they care so much about social norms.

I must admit that it’s hard for me to see the benefits of being highly socially motivated. They just laugh, gossip, and torment others and call it bonding. It looks great and isn’t maladaptive at all to use others for mere entertainment and fake “survival.”

I have low social motivation, am an outcast, yet love being alone. Most research says I don’t exist because an outcast can’t just happen to enjoy being a hermit.  I’m used to not being seen, so this isn’t a huge deal. Seriously, the lower stress should make this an easy pick, but between higher social motivation, boredom, and needing feedback, maybe they can’t help it. Oh, that’s right, survival. Blah, blah, blah.

“If an individual cannot read someone because that person doesn’t participate in social rituals, their own insecurity fills in the blanks, leading them to manufacture a grievance out of thin air. “

Sounds delusional, but we call that normal. How lucky for them. They get all the breaks. Sigh. But I’m mot confused about who is who. 

And they need to get over themselves about “needing someone to talk to.” If I weren’t stressed out and needing someone to talk to, who is the honest, practical, non-common-sense person I would talk to? Someone who knows context matters and isn’t prone to toxic positivity. My point, exactly. Bad advice is not only unhelpful. It causes MORE stress. Who needs that?

How can humans not know how stressful they are? And some people can’t handle noise, so that’s another group of people (if it’s a need, not just a want) who have to pay for socializing. Some introverts and HSPs also weigh the risk of socializing. So, it shouldn’t be a big deal to desire solitude. But everyone must be alike, and that’s that. 

Sources:

Solitude As a Problem of Human’s Mature Choice by Olena Aleksandrova, Svitlana Khrypko, Ganna Iatsenko

Cultures Of Solitude: Loneliness – Limitation – Liberation by Ina Bergmann, Stefan Hippler