Today, yesterday and everyday I see a human in person. And sometimes online. I see this as a normal life for an autistic person.

Speaking of autism, I’m sick of people and their constant projection and denial. I guess RFK Jr. is to thank for this. Not that people aren’t thinking all this ALL THE TIME, but it’s front and center right now.

What is autism? It is a lifelong, complex neurodevelopmental condition characterized by repetitive sensory-motor behaviors, hyper- or hyposensitivity, and reactivity to sensory input, as well as communication deficits or differences.

Trust me there’s so much more, but a doctor will diagnose by that.

That definition isn’t great because it doesn’t say how it affects everything! And I mean everything. It’s a neurological condition, so it shouldn’t be shocking. At least they admit it’s complex, but then why do people want to define it in simple terms? If a person has ONE THING, it’s not autism, it’s the thing. Only have sensory processing issues? Not autistic. The person has sensory processing disorder. However, people often make things difficult.

---

My current autism story (briefly)

I’m tired of every group projecting their issues onto me. How I experience autism is mostly sensory processing stuff. I’m hypersensitive to time and the mind-body connection (interoception). And hypersensitive in almost every other sense. This affects me daily and causes me to be barely functional (compared to neurotypical people). It also affects my health, but it wouldn’t be that bad if doctors and clinicians knew what they were doing. I have more than one chronic health issue due to my lack of interoception. It could have been caught, but oh well.

Then there are the cognitive things. People lump this into communication, I think. But even when I’m not communicating, I’m thinking, but whatever. I’m at the point in my life where I can no longer tolerate the lies, misinformation, and so on that are going on. The NT culture is toxic TO ME. And if someone dismisses this, I now consider them part of the problem and GOODBYE.

To sum that up, I’m only dealing with upfront people who can say what they mean and don’t default to binary thinking. Call it a trauma response. I call it saving my sanity, OR I’m burned out from having to deal with the toxic BS for DECADES, and now I can’t tolerate it anymore. This is my new boundary. Yes, I finally have a boundary!

But I still have PTSD from people, and that’s how this affects my life daily. A person can call it stress or autistic burnout. All of those are almost the same. However, this is far worse than regular stress, so I prefer not to label it as such.

I have the other stuff too, but what I have above is what MOSTLY makes autism disabling for me.

A lot of this is just from my autonomic nervous system glitching or messing up, as I would say, but people don’t know what that entails, so…Just like they don’t know what autism is. How is this happening when we have so much information at our fingertips? They dislike the definition, so they refuse to use it and see no issue with it. Simple. Unfortunately, people are really getting hurt in the process.

---

I don’t understand how I can be the problem. I’m suffering daily. Is that not good enough? Seriously? I have major functional impairments. I shouldn’t be living alone, but I do. (Badly, but hey…). I shouldn’t be working right now, but what choice do I have? I can’t get anything from anyone, and people SPREADING MISINFORMATION ABOUT AUTISM are a HUGE part of the problem*. And I’m not talking about Tylenol. And I get nothing from the state! If I did, I would suffer less. I GET NOTHING. What do they want? They are clearly looking at the wrong person. I have…

• No power
• No money
• Almost no health

Huh? It’s not me. Maybe they are grasping at straws but they could blame doctors and other clinicnians, the state/governement, people who fight against them getting services etc.

But I’m used to it. I just want people to focus on the what they need. The real issues!! And I hope Medicaid isn’t cut anymore for everyone who gets it.

^The other people are the ones who are clinicians, therapists and doctors who are willingfully ignorant and causing GREAT harm.

I wanted this to be clearer but I only got 90 minutes of sleep last night and I’m running on fumes.

Sorry, this isn’t that coherent. I’m exhausted by everything.