oooh. Can’t really answer this question but I’m procrastinating because I have 1,000 things to do and don’t want to choose one. The great paralysis. Hmm. Almost every time I didn’t take action it was because I didn’t have the money or the time. Or energy. So, those don’t count?
I would probably say when I was in middle school and my friend told me to tell her friends “Hi” and I didn’t. The thought of saying “hi” to someone everyday was/is too overwhelming so I just don’t do it at all. Very all or nothing, I guess.
It’s when the thought of doing something daily is so daunting that I don’t do it at all. This could fall under overwhelm. I guess. So, I kind of regret not doing what my friend wanted, but I also know that it wasn’t reasonable.
It seems avoidant, but it’s a self-preservation thing. I don’t tell people my boundaries because it basically doesn’t ask me for TOO MUCH, but it’s not defined. Autism (for me) is 80% of all of my body/mind being “too sensitive.”
Every autistic person is different. But from the definition, I would be surprised if any autistic person isn’t extremely sensitive or non-sensitive. I’m 20% non-sensitive. 80/20. Just an estimate of course. It’s probably more 90/10. But none of me is the norm. It’s either/or.
The average person would say that I was wrong for this. But I look back and say, “No, it was self-preservation”. But since she was a friend, I could have told her NO…but at that age, I didn’t have the words. I still don’t have the exact words.
Finding a way to say no would be better than seeking out her friends and saying hi, which could lead to “autistic burnout.” It’s much easier to say no to strangers and some acquantices than someone I see often.
I’m taking an online survey about current events and thought I would share the answers here (reworded).
What 3 issues most worry you on the global level?
Only three. I have four issues from the list. But I chose these four:
- Rise of authoritarianism
- Economic injustice and systemic inequality
- De-humanization and lack of empathy
I wanted to add – disinformation and loss of truth/trust, but we can only choose three. These are in no specific order, btw.
What emotions are tough right now?
- Grief or sorrow
- Anger or outrage
- Overwhelm or burnout
If I could choose another, I would say loneliness and disconnection, but not in the traditional way. It’s because no one understands autism besides autistic people! Sometimes this could fall under anger and outrage especially for the people who work in healthcare. So, I guess it’s covered.
My rage shows up when the people in healthcare want to be taught about autism instead of learning it on their own. I have tons of stories about this. But not tonight.
What feelings do I want to feel right now?
- Inner peace
- Hope or faith in possibility
- Clarity
This was hard. I want to feel FREEDOM. In fact, I’m going to choose other, and write in FREEDOM. I erased hope/faith.
What can help bring in those feelings?
People not making assumptions. Oh, that’s not an option.
- Being in nature
- Creative expression
I didn’t pick a 3rd. I thought about supportive community, but I know other autistic adults feel the same and it doesn’t help as much. It makes me angry because how can there be so many of us feeling and dealing with exactly the same thing…and everyone acts like they couldn’t possibly care. So, an “autistic community” is not extremely helpful right now.
Okay, I added mindfulness and meditation because I could do more yoga.
That’s it for now. I have to go back to procrastinating.