I forgot this place existed for the past month. But I’m back. Kind of. I haven’t been writing in my personal journal as much either.
I feel stupid or naive for ever believing the Universe cared. But I still don’t understand how a person can believe in a God but say the universe doesn’t care. It’s the same thing! So, I hope the person is an atheist (like me) if they believe the universe is BS and doesn’t care about people.
I now agree that the universe thing is BS. But that’s probably because I’ve had a very bad 5 years. In my normal life, I have bad times for a week or even a month and then something good happens, I succeed, or win something.
I hate to jinx myself. But I think I’m coming out of the bad years. Slowly. January 2024 was one of the worst months I’ve had these past few years. I think it was way worst because I wasn’t expecting it. Things were bad, but constant. Nothing too bad. Nothing too good. And then so many bad things happened. I felt like I got into a horrible car crash. Things fell apart again.
Now for some reason, I’m feeling like now could be the turning point. I won a book that I really, really wanted. The 3D book is about $30 to $40. I probably wouldn’t have bought it and if I did, I would have purchased the Kindle version which is a little more affordable.
Things like winning a book used to happen all the time. I wouldn’t win $1,000 or a trip. Just little things. That all stopped around 2019 or 2020.
So, the universe probably doesn’t care about people. If it did, why would it allow people to live on the streets? Does the universe think the people in Haiti deserve to suffer? What about Palestine and Gaza (some only care about one side or the other, but shouldn’t the universe care for ALL)? And what about what’s currently happening in Bangladesh? One hundred ten people have died in 4 days. Some are protesting a new policy that reserves some government jobs for specific groups.
I refuse to believe in a universe that allows all this crap to happen. It doesn’t make sense. I’m aware of what religion says about this. Of course, I don’t think that’s okay either. And that’s one of the main reasons I’m an atheist. If something doesn’t sit well with me, I won’t believe it. What happens to people is not okay. And what’s the point of the universe if it just watches it happen and does NOTHING? The universe is no better than a human??????/
So, yeah. No universe. Who would sit by and let all this happen? But I miss having faith in it from time to time. But then I think of the suffering and come back to my senses.
This Month
Music of the month: Cheyenne Kimball, Kelly Clarkson, Maggie Rogers, Shania Twain, Maxwell, Taylor Swift, Halsey
Books of the month:
- Almost Paradise by Kieran Crowley (true crime. Long. Finished on 7/27/2024 4 out of 5 stars)
- On a Quiet Street by Seraphina Nova Glass (fiction – Good so far. Almost done).
- Quietly Hostile by Samantha Irby (nonfiction. Starting this today or tomorrow).
- The Gatekeepers by Chris Whipple (nonfiction. About past presidents).
- Lies I Taught in Medical School by Robert Lufkin, MD (nonfiction. Probably won’t finish in time.)
- Never Leave the Dogs Behind by Brianna Madia (Nonfiction. haven’t started).