There is a drawback to not doing anything on the weekend…Mondays are so much harder. Ha. I was moving very slow yesterday morning. I was 30 minutes earlier today so I’m getting back into it.
I was tested by the universe. Who knew the universe reads my online blog? At least someone does. LOL. After my Avon ramble on Sunday, I got one business call and one thing through the mail. It was a test. To be honest, I would have called the guy back if he didn’t have a long distance number. I was eager to hear what he had to say. I called my voicemail back to get his phone number and I’m like “Uh, what? This is long distance dude.” Totally. I’m the only person without long distance in America so I had to really think about making the call and I didn’t.
But I’m still curious. I tried to go online to find out more info but I just got frustrated with links leading to everything but what I needed.
So Avon is not one of my values/life goals etc. So scratch it. I’m only doing things that are related to my goals. I’m going to do a post about my goals once I get them out of the non vague area and take steps on one in particular. The only ones I can reveal now are:
1. Getting my certificate (by 12/2011)
2. Getting certified (by 12/2012?)
I’m going to do a post with my life goals and a timeline once I figure it all out. For the most part I’m not going beyond 3-5 years which probably isn’t the right way. How can they be life goals if I’m not willing to go too far into the future? I get too overwhelmed and demotivated if I think too far in the future. Also I keep thinking I’ll be dead.
I am finally reading a nonfiction book where I can relate to the writer. I just started reading Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s. He is far more adventurous then I but I can relate to the following:
“Look me in the eye, young man!”
I cannot tell you how many times I heard that shrill, whining refrain. It started about the time I got to first grade. I heard it from parents, relatives, teachers, principals, and all manner of other people. I heard it so often I began to expect to hear it.
…Everyone thought they understood my behavior. They thought it was simple: I was just no good. “Nobody trusts a man who won’t look them in the eye”. “You look like a criminal.” “You’re up to something. I know it!” Most of the time, I wasn’t. I didn’t know why they were getting agitated. I didn’t even know what looking someone in the eye meant. And yet I felt ashamed, because people expected me to do it, and I knew it, and yet I didn’t. So what was wrong with me?
“Sociopath” and “psycho” were two of the most common field diagnoses for my look and expression. I heard it all the time. “I’ve read about people like you. They have no expression because they have no feeling.”
I came to believe what people said about me, because so many said the same thing, and the realization that I was defective hurt. I became shyer, more withdrawn. I began to read about deviant personalities and wonder if I would one day “go bad.” Would I grow up to be a killer? I had read that they were shifty and didn’t look people in the eyes.
…To this day, when I speak, I find visual input to be distracting. That’s why I usually look somewhere neutral -at the ground or off into the distance – when I’m talking to someone. Because speaking while watching things has always been difficult for me.
And now I know it is perfectly natural for me to not look at someone when I talk. Those of us with Asperger’s are just not comfortable doing it. In fact, I don’t really understand why it’s considered normal to stare at someone’s eyeballs. It was a great relief to finally understand why I don’t look people in the eye. If I had known this when I was younger, I might have been spared a lot of hurt.
-John Elder Robison
There is definitely a gender difference when it comes to experience. I get the psycho and sociopath stuff NOW (thanks guys!). While growing up, I got the “she’s just shy, she’ll grow out of it”. ROFL. So females are allowed to be shy and unassuming especially as a kid. (gag) But when you go too far…it’s hell from there. Now I’m a sociopath. Oh well.
Now that I’ve typed a book, I have to get back to organizing my clothes.