I’m selling tomorrow. If it doesn’t go well, I won’t die. Spiritually. I probably will be bored enough to live tweet. I hope to get their @ 5:30am. People won’t show up until 8. lol. No more than 5 tweets during the sale. Check the sidebar. (Btw, I don’t read my replies. I text from my phone. And the purpose is to simply add to this blog. I checked once and never will again. If I read my @’s I will probably stop tweeting. See my logic: Don’t let people take something away from you by not acknowledging it).

Saturday is supposed to be my internet free day. I need to do it twice a week. It is only difficult when I’m selling on ebay. People have asked questions and I’ve taken more than a day to answer. Since I’m selling in person, I’m taking a break from ebay. Sometimes I wonder if my infrequent selling on ebay affects any possible success. In the past year I’ve only been selling in one category and have gotten descriptive, great feedback. I could probably make more money.

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I’m really trying to get over the anger. I’m not always angry as I am perceived to be. I just don’t want it to be conditional. I hate spitefulness. Hate it. I don’t want to hate anything.

Sigh. No deep thoughts tonight. Too tired. I’ll do it in my paper journal tomorrow.

It’s just that I know I’m very blessed and lucky to have this job. I do know (sorta) that the universe looked out for me. Just this time. 🙂 Without the universe, I’d be living at home with my mom. More pissed. More depressed.

I know people with a less severe social anxiety then me and they don’t have jobs. They live with their parents and have never left. (I attribute this to them being more depressed and maybe a touch agoraphobic). I was going to “succeed” despite of my social anxiety. To the average American, my life is far from a success if you judge it by how much money you make, where you live, having 2.5 kids, the white picket fence, & the significant other. Oh and the car, the vacations (not even a time share *gasp*) etc.

But I was never driven by money. I have an inner drive…or I used to. It isn’t there now. The denials/rejections tore me down. I have always been sensitive to that. I just wanted a job and a place to live. I should have dreamed bigger with the place to live. At the time I was desperate and I’m still paying for that. As far as a job, not being a friendly outspoken person I can’t be picky. So…it is what it is. I don’t hate my work. I like it. If it weren’t for fear of making mistakes I could love my actual job. NOT the office situation. That is another catergory.

It isn’t about them. It is people in general. I guess I do want more in a job. A job where I can work at home would be awesome. What I do is done at home probably 30% of the time so there is hope. I do dream of that.

I still have dreams and desires. Some won’t come to fruition due to my fear of people. I’ve given up on those.

Universe, thank you so much for this job. Help me *feel* grateful at work. I am very humble about my job. Universe, help me *show* it.