here I am
walking on this narrow road.
Wobbling but won’t let go.
Waiting for a glimpse of the suns glow.

Here’s the thing:

I don’t know if Avon is where I should be putting my energy…but I don’t have anywhere else to currently put my energy. NO, this is not a ‘I’m quitting Avon post.’. I am done with 75% of my Xmas shopping, thanks to Avon so there is no way I’m giving it up. I will keep my account active as long as I have other income coming in because when the social anxiety is gone/lessened, I may decide that Avon is the answer.

The only reason I’m thinking of Avon is because I’m off for the next two days and I was going to pass out one or two brochures to actual humans. *gasp* And then go to a different area/nearby city to toss the remaining brochures. (Toss is a not a bad thing, have I explained this before?) Anyway, then I started thinking about looking the part. The part of AVON. In one meeting a woman said, “You can’t look like a hobo and sell.”

That actually stung even though 50-70 people were in the room. I am not a fashionista. I don’t have the desire to be one. I admire fashion but I wouldn’t actually invest in it. As far as make up goes well I do have one thing of foundation. I have worn it to work once. I have very sensitive skin so I’m not really into to playing with it and I don’t have time in the morning for makeup. The one day I wore makeup was because I woke up 20 minutes early and couldn’t go back to sleep.

And, um people (initials TT) have made the comment: I wouldn’t buy Avon from her. TT, I do have one customer at work who is smart enough to know that I’m not into ALL Avon products. I would have every piece of jewelry though if I had no self control. Instead I have 2 necklace sets that I love to death. What if the person doesn’t have the money to spend on products for herself? Don’t look at me, it’s allll about you. It’s like the people who look at houses and say, “ugh, I don’t like the decor, furniture”. UM YOU WILL GET THE HOUSE EMPTY, %^%*HEAD. Focus on the foundation. What a concept??! Oops did I just go off? Sorry, I hate that. THINK people.

I’m going off on tangents: My point is, I have two days off from work. Thank the universe. Do I want to “do” Avon on those days? I have to clean because I’m having my house insulated (cost: $300). I have to stop eating quick, microwavable food like I have for the past few weeks and actually cook. *groan*. etc. etc. And I wanted to go to school in January (another $300) so UGHHHHHHH!

I’m overwhelmed. School and insulating my house are smart things, right? lol. I have to do those things, don’t I?

This is supposed to be about energy. The thing is, my job is stressful (to me) and I am overwhelmed with everything so if I don’t do Avon, what do I do? Right now…probably nothing. Everything is work and I should be focused on my house. I do everything in the living room. And it has gotten messy again.

Sigh, another online entry about nothing. I’ll be back with another entry with content…later. This entry started because I was thinking about one of my favorite books of all time Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers but I didn’t even touch the subject.

SEND.