It may seem like I decided to be alone out of convenience. I did decide that it was better this way years ago. See this is why I don’t do the therapy thing. Because I’m not sure I should be around people. However, I did start therapy and I better figure something out. I may quit because…”friends” are not a priority.
I want to get this noise issue under control. It is that that drives me ‘crazy’. I want to get a job by doing well at an interview. I just want to be a normal person…without friends? Do I have to have friends. Do I? I know most people do.
Sometimes I do get bitter because most of the people I see, wouldn’t give me the time of day if I begged. I’m not fashionable. I hate gossiping. I don’t like hanging around groups of people. I don’t walk or talk normally. I have nothing going for me.
But YOU. You are someone. Your thoughts matter. People think you’re funny. And pretty. You have your insecurities but you can easily hide them. People don’t listen to you talk incoherently because you can blurt out a sentence anytime about anything. You like people. You know people.
You are everything I’m not. How do I get YOU to like me…without completely changing. If were that easy, it’d me done. What if I can’t change? I can’t change the way I walk. Me trying to be fashionable is a joke. I won’t partake in gossiping but I’m not rude about it.
1. Am I better off alone? (as I have believed for 10+ years)
2. Are there any loner types who just want to hang out (whatever that means) occasionally?
2a. How do I meet these people if they exist? I refuse to do the online thing because it’s too easy for me to just not answer. If I were yearning for romance, I would consider that route.
3. Am I too set in my ways for friends?
4. What if I truly don’t like humans? What if it has nothing to do with a defense mechanism?
4a. Do I have an aversion to people because they don’t like me? heh.
bleh
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I got my tiny blender. I didn’t know blenders came in this size. It looks I’ll be able to make two cups of smoothies or whatever. I don’t have anything to put it in now. So I’ll just admire it’s cuteness. 😉
Okay so I have a blender, and I hope to get a vegetable steamer for my birthday. This is my foray into healthy eating. I eat too many frozen foods (aka microwable foods) now. Too much sodium. I can’t keep doing that.
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Just watched Michigan beat UCONN. Oh, happy day. I hate UNC but wouldn’t it be great to not have a Big East team in the championship?
Go UNC! I’m a Tarheel…just for tonight.