Don’t expect full sentences. my mind is fucked.

Here is the problem: I won’t get “better” if I don’t meet new people. However I don’t trust people. Anyone.

It started in school. I would get teased. Laughed at. My self esteem plummeted. To this day, I still don’t have any self worth. I don’t know who I am. I define myself by what others think. No sense of self.

I’m in a bit of a ‘people suck’ mood because I was called crazy and middle school like today. 2 separate incidents at work. Yes I’m emotionally stunted at 12. And I’m not crazy, I’m neurotic!! 🙂
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Otherwise having a good day. I finally have a real emergency fund. I won’t touch it unless I am unemployed and I have to use it. It’s not much. $250 – just a start. I will put 2% of my monthly income in there starting this month. Again, not much but I don’t make a lot. Small beginning. yay 🙂
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I went to the bookstore just to look at remodeling books. Bad idea? It makes me yearn. The bathroom books are the worst. I need another interest. Going to San Fransisco (or most traveling) is cheaper than remodeling.
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I’m not shocked at all to hear about the shooting in New York. At work I hear people trash immigrants all the time (but they are not racist *wink) My thoughts do not change if the killer is an immigrant himself.

HATE KILLS ——->words + feelings does not equal nothing
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Off to read a book. ttyl